The anime kicked off with a big old fight sequence against Phoinex/Jean where the animators put a red filter over everything while the characters spouted dramatic lines and had their hearts torn to shreds because they’re dear friend was leaving them. It’s an instant way of telling us that this version of X-Men is for fans of the franchise already. Apparently we’re supposed to care about these characters in this fight sequence. I sure didn’t, I never liked the cartoon nor those movies. Hence this entire scene just went by with a yawn, waiting for the actual episode to start for real. But the episode never did start. It just rebooted the story. We’re not kicking off from the start. We’re returning to the Xavier academy to meet our old favourites. Whoop de doop for those of you who care about X-Men and their ridiculously proportioned bodies. One massive yawn for someone like myself.
Mind you, I don’t know why original fans would be pleased to see this rendition. Unless, that is, X-Men always had horribly dull bouts of exposition from Xavier. Is that his only purpose in this show? He sits around in his wheelchair, gives the appropriate explanatory dialogue and let his army of trolls go off and fight bad guys. Also does Wolverine always look like a troll? He looks like the Hunchback of Notre Dame on steroids. That’s the Beast’s job to be the gross muscle beast. Speaking of him, talk about the stupidest fucking method of showing how smart he is. He created a talking squid to teach the class while he was away punching robots. I would have watched a show about a squid who kept having to teach a class because the regular lecturer kept disappearing to fight monsters.
The reason I say Ironman is better than this is because Ironman was silly. It was awful, but it acted silly as well so it got a few grins out of me, like a worse version of Cobra. X-Men takes itself so seriously that everything falls flat on it’s face. The flashback conversation between Cyclops and Phoenix was one of the clunkiest and lamest bits of dialogue you’ll ever see. “We Mutants shall be the light” and all that jazz, but it was delivered with such seriousness it drained the life out of me. I honestly don’t think Ironman is as bad as people made it out to be. It was still pretty awful, but X-Men has no redeeming qualities. There’s still another one of these Madhouse X Marvel anime coming as well. It will all be over soon. Please be over soon. I want old Madhouse back.