31 CommentsHopefully Humorous / By Scamp /

Up for the Irish Blog Awards

blog awards irelandFor the third year running, The Cart Driver is up for the Irish Blog Awards. The first year I was a finalist in the Best Blog by a Youth, but lost the final because the mother of the winner bribed the judges with cake and pasties (this has not been verified). The second year I was in the Best Specialist Blog category (because they somehow didn’t have enough blogs run by Irish people for a Best Anime Blog category) but was knocked out in the early stages because the judges were apparently not impressed by my plea for votes. This year I’m in the Best Pop Culture Blog category, and clearly I’m the best blog there. However I do have a significant problem when it comes to this award ceremony. It’s an Irish blog awards. This blog is about Japanese cartoons. It’s a crisis of national identity. To counter this, I have decided to change the blog’s mascot away from that bloke in the cart to an anime character who perfectly represents the Irish.

Celty Sturluson

Celty is a perfect representation of many traditional Irish cultures and values. To list just a few:

  • She is actually from Ireland, rather than saying she’s Irish but only because she had an Irish granny.
  • She has sickly pale skin from a lack of sun.
  • She had to emigrate to find employment.
  • She speaks 4 words of the Gaelic Irish language in the entire anime, which is roughly the same amount of Irish the average Irish person can speak.
  • You can say nothing to stop her talking.
  • She’s very superstitious.
  • She loves the horses.
  • She spends most of her nights out on the town completely headless (geddit? Headless? Because headless means drunk? Shut up OK this is difficult)
  • And many more! I’m sure the comment section will provide several other fine examples of her Irishness (please guys?)

So now that I’ve made The Cart Driver suitably Irish, I will take my award. Please? I mean, I have hundreds and thousands and millions and billions of readers and commenters and lovers, but it’s not a whole lot of good to put on a CV or anything. “Hey I have a popular anime blog” is about as effective as saying “hey, I can piss my name in the snow”. Saying I have the winner of the 2012 Irish Blog Awards Best Pop Culture Blog would actually sound like I achieved something with these past 4 years, rather than it looking like I wasted my time writing dumb stuff on the internet. Please let me win. Please? I’ll blow you Shinmaru will blow you.

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  1. lmm
    Posted September 20, 2012 at 9:32 pm | Permalink

    Running a blog is all about delegation

    • Scamp
      Posted September 22, 2012 at 9:49 am | Permalink

      You mean derogation amirite!

  2. Posted September 20, 2012 at 9:36 pm | Permalink

    >Irish anime blog
    >Substitutes the Mexican writer when it counts.

    Scamp, as a secret ninja judge on the Irish Blog Awards panel, I will only be satisfied with blowjobs from the genuine source.

  3. Posted September 20, 2012 at 9:44 pm | Permalink

    You’ve qualified for 3 different categories? Do they plan on keep on moving your blog around until it can win something? Also, have they realized you’ve added 2 American writers, which makes this an Irish-American blog about Chinese girl cartoons?

    • Anon
      Posted September 20, 2012 at 10:18 pm | Permalink

      They are not Chinese… they are Japanese cartoons. Big difference

      • Posted September 20, 2012 at 11:01 pm | Permalink

        no they are definitely Chinese cartoons for sure

      • Scamp
        Posted September 22, 2012 at 9:50 am | Permalink

        Nah, they’re a Korean/Mongolian hybrid

  4. Posted September 20, 2012 at 10:03 pm | Permalink

    Don’t vote for Scamp. He supports the existence of Zubat. Fuck Zubat.

    • Posted September 20, 2012 at 10:05 pm | Permalink

      Shinmaru, be a man and just blow somebody, will you?

      • Posted September 20, 2012 at 10:06 pm | Permalink

        Well they’re Irish, so they’d be too blasted to get it up, anyway.

    • Mr. Anon
      Posted September 21, 2012 at 11:19 pm | Permalink

      Goddamned bats. These pests are in so many video games there is a trope page for it.

      • Scamp
        Posted September 22, 2012 at 9:51 am | Permalink

        Zubats are important OK! You need a pest like that in the game. If it wasn’t Zubat it would be something else.

        Also Crobat is fucking awesome, you guys just suck

    • Adrian
      Posted September 23, 2012 at 2:25 am | Permalink

      That’s true.
      Those fucking things were really everywhere.
      Sad enough, we had to go through those damn caves to reach the next town.

  5. Posted September 20, 2012 at 10:16 pm | Permalink

    >She’s spends
    And this is why you are bound to lose this year as well.
    Sooooooooooo close, Scamp, soooooooo close!

  6. Desi
    Posted September 20, 2012 at 10:34 pm | Permalink

    Just photoshop that picture of her with her motorcycle to have a little cart on the back and you’re all set.

  7. Posted September 20, 2012 at 11:20 pm | Permalink

    Introducing The Bike Driver.

    • tatsumaki
      Posted September 21, 2012 at 2:32 am | Permalink

      He can still be The Cart Driver – Celty is shown driving a 2 wheel horse-drawn carriage as well =)

  8. Posted September 20, 2012 at 11:47 pm | Permalink

    She had to emigrate to find employment.

    Damn Irish people, sailing over to Ellis Island in your little potato boats to steal the jobs of our hardworking ‘Muricans!

  9. Xyopq
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 12:05 am | Permalink

    Needs more Guinness.

  10. luffyluffy
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 12:35 am | Permalink

    >Not mentioning she is actually an Irish legend

    • Mr. Anon
      Posted September 21, 2012 at 9:10 am | Permalink

      Yeah I like how he just assumed that everyone knows she’s a modern headless rider.

  11. Posted September 21, 2012 at 1:14 am | Permalink

    Interesting pointers. Is it too late to pretend I’m Irish?

  12. Langer
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 4:58 am | Permalink

    you forgot to say Erin go Bragh…nothing says vote for me like an Irish guy pretending to be an American pretending to be Irish

    also, I get fairly depressed learning Irish mythology from Japanese cartoons…who knew Cu Chulainn (Lancer) had these kick ass swords and spears?…ok, I knew feck all about him bar his name

    • Scamp
      Posted September 22, 2012 at 9:51 am | Permalink

      Wonder how many people here know what ‘langer’ means

  13. Erif
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 9:00 am | Permalink

    Oh, see, now I know why you let Shinmaru join the blog. It all makes sense now.

    • Posted September 21, 2012 at 7:45 pm | Permalink

      you should see the steamy email exchange that led to me being hired

    • matrixEXO
      Posted September 23, 2012 at 4:24 am | Permalink

      If only we could!

  14. Inushinde
    Posted September 21, 2012 at 1:01 pm | Permalink

    Have you tried bribing the judges with Lucky Charms? I mean they ARE Ireland’s pride and joy.

    • Scamp
      Posted September 22, 2012 at 9:52 am | Permalink

      I thought our pride and joy was Colin Farrell?

      • Inushinde
        Posted September 24, 2012 at 8:59 pm | Permalink

        Colin Farrell eating whiskey-flavored green Lucky Charms with Jedward while river-dancing. If that isn’t Irish pride in a nutshell, I don’t know what is.

  15. Gwen-chan
    Posted October 29, 2012 at 4:58 pm | Permalink

    ooo, your up for the Irish blog awards again. Good Luck. I hope you win this year.

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