16 CommentsHopefully Humorous, Sword Art Online / By Inushinde /

Of Giant Tentacle Slugs and Men: A Sword Art Online Episode 21 Fanfic

The two men held Asuna firmly in place on the floor, Reki continued, drool running in rivulets from his mouth as his fingers banged inelegantly on the keyboard. The thin one had her pinned to the floor, and the computer terminal that held her only means of escape sat open and unused, the logout button taunting her with the promise of freedom. “Let me go!” Asuna protested again and again, her frantic struggling slowing to a halt as two days-worth of tears glopped endlessly down her cheeks, only to come to a rest on the sterile white floor.“Tell the boss that we have his little birdy,” the thin man told his stout partner. “And ask her if it’s okay for us to have a little fun with her before she’s thrown back in her cage.” His partner obliged and left the game, leaving Asuna at the thin man’s mercy. Instead of giving in to despair though, a slim smirk began to sprout on her face.

“Did it work?” Asuna asked the man. “Did what work?” he asked in return, a slight hint of confusion in his voice. “Were my tears convincing enough?” Before the man had time to process what she asked, Asuna had kneed him in the stomach with tremendous force, sending him stumbling into a floating brain hologram. In a minute Asuna was on him, delivering punches and kicks faster than he could see, desperation driving her onward toward freedom. “Somebody helped me!” he gurgled in pain. “Somebody capture her, before she compromises the whole project!”  

Reki ceased his flurried typing and wiped his brow, aware of the direction that his story was heading toward. If he kept writing like this toward the logical conclusion of Asuna leaving the game and contacting the authorities on Sugou, then the gravy train would eventually stop pulling into the station and he’d actually have to tap the wellspring of creativity once again for his next big idea. “I have to keep this story going, no matter the cost” Reki reminded himself. It was what the fans wanted, after all. He steeled himself for what he must do. “I must use the greatest idea I currently have at my disposal. I must allow for no new developments, this part of the story repeating past content with no shame or respect for the reader’s attention span. Most importantly of all, I must do this so A-1 Pictures, in their infinite wisdom, will adapt my work, to be consumed and beloved by millions worldwide. Only then will people truly realize my genius.”

Genius.

With no regrets, Reki deleted the past two paragraphs and edited in a crucial detail that would outdo every other idea that he had. Before, he thought that he had struck literary gold when he penned a character with the unfathomable depth of Sugou, the boundless complexity of Kirito, but he knew now that his next idea would blow everything else away. Tentacle. Slugs. “The two tentacle slugs held Asuna firmly in place in the air,” he began again. Words of scientists in virtual slug form holding Asuna captive as she attempted escape flowed with precision from his fingertips, the drool resuming its formerly torrential drip. “Are you proud of me now, Asuna? Do you love me?” he asked the body pillow slumped on his bed. Its crusted, dead eyes answered him with silence.

Many months later, A-1 Pictures would adapt Sword Art Online, leaving the all important detail of the slugs in place. Seriously, what the fuck’s with that?

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16 Comments

  1. Andmeuths
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 10:07 am | Permalink

    Well, he apparently had new Gravy Trains to harvest from…. (GGO, Accel World, etc)

    And yes, that was one of the most stupidest part of the whole Arc. Come on- at least hide until they leave!

    And let’s not get started with the ludicrously badly done paper thin security….

    • Inushinde
      Posted November 30, 2012 at 2:03 am | Permalink

      But this gravy train would actually require him to THINK. Imagine having to do something so dreadful after several chapters. Can you? Can you imagine something so terrible?

  2. Posted November 26, 2012 at 10:31 am | Permalink

    Baka! All Reki really needs is the power of imouto to raise the ratings.

  3. Posted November 26, 2012 at 1:00 pm | Permalink

    No no no, Japanese viewers are totally obsessed with tentacles raep. It never gets old. It’s a pretty good material for erotic fantasy. That’s why the evil scientists have to be pink tentacle creatures, instead of some elf looking avatars, just like everybody else. Imouto comes at close 2nd place.

    • Inushinde
      Posted November 30, 2012 at 2:06 am | Permalink

      But this was clearly the only way to keep the story going.

  4. Posted November 26, 2012 at 5:52 pm | Permalink

    haha, so glad I caught up with this gold.

    • Inushinde
      Posted November 30, 2012 at 2:04 am | Permalink

      It just keeps getting better and better!

  5. Mr. Anon
    Posted November 26, 2012 at 9:38 pm | Permalink

    >glopped

    NO

  6. Posted November 27, 2012 at 1:50 am | Permalink

    An absolutely terrible episode and yet, somehow 5x better than last week’s. Bring on the next episode!

    • Inushinde
      Posted November 30, 2012 at 2:04 am | Permalink

      The worse it gets, the more watchable it is. It’s a bell curve where no matter how entertaining it is, nobody wins.

  7. Posted November 27, 2012 at 6:37 am | Permalink

    For obvious reasons, now I understand what that first picture is showing: someone upside down. I thought it was some elaborate totem pole or something.

    • Inushinde
      Posted November 30, 2012 at 2:09 am | Permalink

      I can kind of see where you’re coming from here. No, I wish it was just an elaborate totem pole.

  8. Posted November 28, 2012 at 1:03 am | Permalink

    You’re worse than the author.

    How does it feel?

    • Inushinde
      Posted November 30, 2012 at 2:07 am | Permalink

      Honestly? It’s a bittersweet victory.

  9. Desi
    Posted November 29, 2012 at 2:33 am | Permalink

    Here I thought that it was supposed to be a metaphor thing for how disgusting the scientists were that A-1 adapted too literally!

    • Inushinde
      Posted November 30, 2012 at 2:08 am | Permalink

      Nope! I thought so too, but A-1 aren’t capable of writing something that stupid.

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