We want to be Macross so hard it burns ussss!
Good lord this was hilarious. Where to begin, where to begin? So the main character starts off dead. Not in itself unusual, as they are normally spirited back to life again. But this is in the future, complete with character collapsing at her grave crying “why did you have to leave us, wwwhyyyyyyyyyy!?!”, so it adds obvious tension when the main character happens to be alive in the present day. She was going to attend a Sheryl X Ranka concert, but the tickets were sold out, so she instead had to go some shoddy rip-off band with music not composed by Yoko Kanno. Cue incredibly dull concert scene with awful pop music that doesn’t even have the decency to be ironically bad like the music in Uta no Prince-sama. Thankfully, some giant aliens attacked, ending the concert sequence there.
What this scene reminded me of was when I’m listening to music, I like to pretend they are backing tracks to some random anime playing through my head. This isn’t a particularly good way to create a story, as you’re left to the wild whims of a song ending halfway through a scene, or perhaps playing music that doesn’t fit with what you had originally envisioned. But Nymphogear runs with it anyway, prisoner to the shuffle playlist on their ipod, and stops the song and starts with the alien invasion. The two pop idols (colour coded for your convenience) don’t seem to fazed by this recent development and instead turn into robots and start singing while fighting the aliens.
Meanwhile, random background characters are being crushed and killed and generally not having a very nice time, something that seems to fly straight over the head of our female lead. Perhaps she’s embraced the idea that she’s going to die, so she stays completely still while the evil aliens attack. Eventually one of them does attack in her general direction, causing her to scrape her knee. This grave injury has incapacitated her, but thankfully the orange colour coded pop idol noticed her in distress. Completely ignoring the various people being slowly crushed to death under fallen debris, she rushes to the girl with the horrific injury to protect her. Fat lot of good she does though, as the aliens then cause copious amounts of pomegranate juice to spew out of her body.
Oh dear, a little girl has a scraped knee and spilled some juice. We can’t let this happen can we? Never mind all the hundreds of other civilians being crushed and zapped and generally in much worse off situations, our orange colour coded pop idol can’t let this girl die. So she sings a song that kills herself. Yes, these aliens are causing them a bit of trouble, so the only option is to use the one attack that causes her to disintegrate. Fantastic tactics there. Apparently it was done to help the girl recover from her life-threatening scraped knee. Yes, let one of the only warriors who can fight the aliens charge into a wild kamikaze song to save one little girl.
Anyway, fast forward to the future, the aliens are still attacking. The military are apparently still sent out to fight them, wasting what must be hundreds of thousands of Future Money on expensive weaponry that have no effect on the aliens, who are called Noise (oho I see what you did there. Music is the opposite of Noise so you fight Noise with Music). Thankfully the blue colour coded pop idol flies in and saves Japan’s budget by killing the aliens. Meanwhile, the main character has apparently recovered from her scraped knee, but the spilled pomegranate juice has left a nasty stain on her chest. After a day in school where she climaxed 100 times, the anime reminds us that CDs are status symbols and that you have to buy them or else you will be shunned by your peers BUY OUR CD SINGLES NAOW!!!
Unfortunately, on her way to the CD shop to buy stupidly overpriced singles that she could just pirate anyway, our main character is attacked by those nasty Noise again. Well, she’s less attacked and more walks straight into the warzone, apparently being so gormless that she only notices the destruction after she has wandered straight into the middle of it. Her survival instincts kick in again when she turns a corner and is confronted on all sides by Noise, who are apparently so flabbergasted by her stupidity that they fail to scrape her knee before she escapes. Then, somewhere off camera, the main character picks up a little girl and starts dragging her on top of giant buildings. This was seriously baffling. I mean, it quite literally went from one scene of her running away from the Noise to another when she had a little girl in her hand. No scene where they met up. No explanation as to where she had come from. She was just suddenly there.
Anyway, main character hauls the little girl on top of a building where several Noise had stopped for a picnic (main character displaying her remarkable survival instincts yet again). Thankfully at this point, the main character realises that the only weakness Noise have is singing. The clue was the only establishments not touched in the recent alien invasion were the karaoke bars. The scene then cuts to the bridge of every single wartime government organisation ever, complete with a raised bridge with man pulling Gendo Ikari eyes and a harem of women whose job it is to push flashing buttons and spout technobabble. German technobabble as it turns out, one of the girls saying “This couldn’t be…Aufwachenschlagen!?!”. Clearly it is Aufwachenschlagen. How could you mistake it for anything other than Aufwachenschlagen? Google translate tells me this is German for ‘wake up hitting’, which is exactly what the main character does. She wakes up, turns into a giant robot, and I suppose the next episode will kick off her her hitting the Noise while singing terrible jpop.
I can’t fucking wait for the next episode!