61. Yonna in the Solitary Fortress
What is it?: Yonna and Stan are a brother and sister with Mysterious Powers™ who are confined to a fortress so that nobody will be abuse their Mysterious Powers™. One day, however, an agent from the government comes to persuade them to use their Mysterious Powers™ for some unknown, shady cause. There’s also another agent, Garuda, who claims to be from the government, too, and also wishes for them to use their Mysterious Powers™ for something or other.
What?!: The first government agent is some manner of flying pig creature.
One man gang: One dude is apparently responsible for every creative facet of the movie, which is sort of impressive.
Yonna is much more impressive as a tech demo than a movie. Aside from the occasional hilarious expression on the faces of the characters, it doesn’t look to bad when you consider one person made the whole damn thing. Unfortunately the effort is wasted on a trite, boring fantasy tale. The conflict barely resonates because there are so many unknowns. Some bits of the Mysterious Powers™ are shown off, but they’re not really exciting. It can be presumed that the government is evil, but when all we see is some flying pig thing, it’s difficult to muster up some good ol’ hate. There’s nothing to really get behind in this movie.
62. Tenbatsu Angel Rabbie
What is it?: Lasty Farson is an angel sent to a certain point in history to try to stop a catastrophic war from occurring. She’s clumsy and awful in her normal form, but when she’s an angel she beats the shit out of everything and captures the hearts of lonely masturbators everywhere. Her first job is a big one, but her superiors believe she’s up to the task.
What?!: This is so boring and average that I have nothing clever to write here.
Or here: Move along.
I’m kind of baffled as to why this has such a low score on MAL (5.55, which is way down in the god damn dumpster by that site’s standards). Is it boring? Yes. Is the story exciting? No. Is it thoroughly average? Yes. It doesn’t look terrible, though, and the plotting isn’t THAT inept . . . just really squeezed in. Then again, I was so bored by this that the entire entry has been awful, so there’s that.
63. Blue Flames
What is it?: A wannabe Patrick Bateman uses sex to fuck his way to the top, moving away from his boring small town and determined to make his name in Tokyo.
What?!: The main character might be the most boring sociopath ever.
Golgo 13: He has much more entertaining sex.
Blue Flames is a thoroughly banal story about an ice cold bore who uses anyone and everyone to fulfill his ambitions and grab some sort of excitement in the world. Too bad it doesn’t say or do anything different than any other story of this ilk that has been written or put to the screen. Yawn. The only thing of note about this OVA is that it was directed by Noboru Ishiguro, who you all may know better as the director of The Super Dimension Fortress Macross and Legend of the Galactic Heroes. Hey, gotta pay the bills somehow!
64. Girl Detective Club
What is it?: A girl is kidnapped and her two dumbass friends bumble into saving her because one of them is good at video games and the other can pull a gun out of her panties.
What?!: The kidnapped girl has an airship in her house, presumably because she is rich.
Check out the MAL bios: Whoever wrote them must have felt exceedingly sarcastic that day.
The name of Girl Detective Club confuses me, because there is no detective work to be seen in this OVA. My theory is that the name is sarcastic; otherwise, I’d have to accept that these vapid idiots form a detective trio, which is more than my mind can handle. The OVA is occasionally entertaining because of how goofy it is, but I checked out around the halfway point and barely remember the second half because, well, caring was just too much effort.
65. Fish in the Trap
What is it?: A high school kid and beginner swimmer gets involved with an older dude who is a great swimmer and businessman. His friends are assholes.
What?!: It’s basically a set-up for lots of man-kissing and sexual harassment.
Title: If it actually meant anything, I’ve totally forgotten what it is.
The story of Fish in the Trap is fairly meaningless. It’s mostly an excuse for a group of jerks to molest a poor high school kid before the older guy — who is slightly less of a surly jerk than his friends — swoops in and saves the kid from said jerks. They might kiss, too; I honestly don’t remember. So, um, watch for the boy kissing if you like that? It’s pretty boring otherwise.
66. Psychic Force
What is it?: In a world where normal people are totally jealous of people with psychic powers, Burn Griffith (yes, that’s the name our hero is going with) befriends “Bandit” Keith Evans. Unfortunately, things fall by the wayside and a couple of years later, Keith “Moon” Evans is kind of a dick. Like a, “Yo, guys, we should totally use our psychic powers to dominate the world. Whaddya say?” kind of dick.
What?!: There is nothing more “What?!” worthy than Burn’s hair. Jesus Christ.
Is this basically a low-rent s-CRY-ed?:You bet your ass it is.
Seriously, Psychic Force doesn’t even have the courtesy to come up with an awesome stupid name like Straight Cougar, or give anyone powers that have to do with balls. What gives? I barely remember any of this because my brain checked out super early. Not even the promise of psychic powers could save this. I’ll just pretend Burn used his hair trident to psychically stab Keith and save the day. That sounds like an awesome ending.
67. Hyper-Psychic Geo Garaga
What is it?: The cargo ship Xebec (not the studio) flies through space but goes off-course into some warp zone where they end up on the planet Garaga, which is populated by dinosaurs, ape soldiers and psychics.
What?!: The apes speak English.
Dub: It tries valiantly to make Garaga not boring. It fails.
This anime sounds as if it should be awesome, but for whatever reason it didn’t click with me at all. I even listened to the English dub, which is stuffed to the brim with the sort of bad acting that almost guarantees something to be a true terribad classic. But it’s just . . . man, I don’t know. Maybe I just watched it too late in the evening, and my mind wandered, but I was bored out of my skull watching this. There’s just no reason to care at all, and it drags on and on and on far past the point where it’s of any interest at all. How could I be bored of something with English-speaking ape soldiers?! I hate you, Garaga.
68. Superdimensional Romanesque Samy: Missing 99
What is it?: A high school girl, Samy, gets caught up in a gang fight, and then, as often happens, she falls into a portal between dimensions and ends up in a world where folks on a mission from God (and who also are not the Blues Brothers) are fighting against demons who wish to Take Over the World because the place to which they’ve been banished totally blows.
What?!: Samy has magic powers, of course, and she totally doesn’t know about them.
Playing pretend: Norio Wakamoto, Shuuichi Ikeda and Toru Furuya play the main demons. I made it through by acting as if it were Coach Ota, Char Aznable and Amuro Ray talking to each other.
Samy sounds as if it has all the markings of a gloriously entertaining trainwreck: the story is utter nonsense and taken way too seriously, and visuals are awful. But, god damn, this is just so boring. If I didn’t have the novelty of Wakamoto, Ikeda and Furuya conversing, then I really don’t know how I would have made it through this mess. How could something turn such a crazy story into such a mindless slog? You got me. But, hey, we had lots of talking heads explaining every stupid detail of this story constantly, and I suppose that’s what matters.
69. De:vadasy
What is it?: Look this is basically Evangelion except way worse and the pilots have tepid psychic sex when they pilot robots. It’s not worth recapping in detail.
What?!: You heard me. Deal with it!
David Aussie: My pet name for the OVA because I was so bored with it my mind wandered to dumb puns.
What a dumb, boring sack of fuck. It tries super hard to have some sort of weird psychosexual tone, but it’s mostly idiotic and laughable. This is the worst type of anime that sprung up in Evangelion‘s wake: A dumb story that thinks it’s way smarter than it is, and no visual panache to make up for it. Bleh.
70. Panzer Dragoon
What is it?: Kyle is a dude whose LADY is stolen by a dragon. Luckily for Kyle, another dragon comes along and is like, “Yo, we should team up” and Kyle agrees. He then proceeds to bitch the entire time.
What?!: The dragon can speak to Kyle via psychic powers but elects not to until the end for reasons.
GIVE ME BACK MY LADY: Kyle screams this like every five seconds.
“Based on the hit video game.” These are usually words you don’t want to hear in another entertainment medium. Panzer Dragoon continues that grand tradition of suck while kicking it up another notch. I don’t know if this is the ugliest anime I’ve ever seen, but god damn, it has to be in the top three at least. The backgrounds are the laziest CG mess I’ve ever seen. Better yet, the anime is actually pixelated! I cannot remember ever seeing that before. I don’t know if it was a problem with the original anime, or if whoever transferred it to DVD or VHS or whatever is horribly inept, but it’s a real problem, because Justin Sevakis brings it up in his Buried Garbage column on the OVA. I don’t even want to talk about the story or characters except to say they make me want to boycott Sega.
54 Comments
Holy cow! Five pages of this! Will have to finish reading when I get back from work.
I BROUGHT THE BIG GUNS FOR THIS, MY FRIEND
I don’t have the chance to do Terribad much myself either but I do wish you were there more when I do! It is truly the highlight of all anime watching, much as Cosprayers was the highlight of all anime production.
Re: Vampire Wars:
There was one line, when the guy wakes up and swears totally inappropriately but I can’t remember what it was — “WHAT THE ASS??” or something like that that had us rolling. But nothing on par with any of Sleepy’s lines.
Haha, now that you mention it, I remember something similar to that in the movie. Manga UK was really at the top of its game for that dub.
Garzey’s Wing is my favorite anime.
But I can see why you’d put Kenya Boy at #1.
I might just fandub Legend of Duo for you.
and then I noticed five pages. Where’s the Sisters?
Or Shuffle for that matter?
I should have explained it better in the intro, but I included only anime that has been watched in the SCCSAV wing that watches such things. I doubt you’ll see Shuffle! or Sister Princess on here, because they’d never touch them, but I assure you they would be at the bottom. Both lower than Odin, I might add.
Kenya Boy was my first terribad group experience. That somehow makes me very happy; it could have been Apocalypse Zero *shudders*. Still, Garzey’s Wing will always be my champion on this list, if only for the line, “I’m not lying, 12th and 13th century foreigners surround me!”
Also, no Urotsukidoji? Granted, it’s by no means the worst thing here, but it should have some recognition, if only for scaring the shit out of me when I was 15 years old.
I only included stuff that has been watched in the SCCSAV terribad group.
The only one I watched was Itsudatte My Santa!, which only got a ~ out of me. Maybe you’d like it more if you watched it dubbed.
Maybe, but that would also mean watching it again, and I’d rather my penis took an acid bath.
I watched Itsudatte My Santa twice. I maintain that the first episode isn’t dreadful
Thanks for a fantastically entertaining read. The dialogue in Angel Cop, your scorn towards the nested plot flashbacks in Legend of Duo, your moeficiation of Dracula – every step of the way is paved with gold.
Thanks!
Oh wow. That Prince of Tennis clip. The universe has nothing on Tezuka. I’m glad a newer anime has made it to the top 10. I swear the show is just shamlessly cheesy. It embraces shounen exaggeration like nothing else.
I haven’t seen most of this but I definitely enjoyed Garzey’s Wing, Mars of Destruction and of course, Kenya Boy. I’m not sure what to make of those last minutes of the film. But let me assure you that it was mindblowing. I might have to check out Mad Bull 34 now.
It was a blast watching that because before then I knew only cursory things about Prince of Tennis. I didn’t expect anything that ridiculous!
Project ICE though, was mindnumbing boring and bad. I guess it’s licensed due to ties with a certain 48 member idol group…
I hadn’t really thought of that. Not really sure how popular they are over here, since I don’t follow that scene at all, but I could see that marketing angle being pursued.
If it wasn’t for shit like this, I wouldn’t give a damn about anime. I’ll take Vampire Wars or California Crisis over Madoka or some Ghibli movie or whatever else any day.
Many of these do make anime quite a bit more fun.
Watch the first episode of Charger Girl Juuden-chan. Thank me (read: hunt me down with a spork) later.
I’ll see what I can do! (Though I really need to get back to putting a dent into my not-terribad anime pile, haha. Too many good shows I’ve been putting off for too long!)
TENNIS KILLED THE DINOSAURS
And nuclear missiles brought them back.
I remember that back in high school, the anime club had a tradition (which they dropped pretty quickly after the seniors left, unfortunately) of watching this OVA called Tattoon Master. I dunno if it’s bad enough to occupy a place on this list, but I remember it being pretty terrible and having a hilariously bad dub as well.
Now at college my friends and I randomly blurt out “I must make sense of my convoluted situation!” I think we’ve got it bad.
(Also, note: randomly came across Vampire Wars in the DVD cabinet of a pretty great hotel on the south side of Jamaica. I was pretty surprised, but unfortunately was unable to watch it because a) didn’t have time and b)I was there with the rest of my family. Still though–space vampires. Envious.)
I will certainly keep that in mind!
And, wow, that’s kind of awesome, haha. I remember seeing a while back that Vampire Wars was on Netflix Instant — don’t know if it’s still on there, but that might be a way to see it.
Quick Top 5 Terribad experiences:
5) Mad Bull 34
Spanning two weeks, it was quintessential Terribad. The accents, the misogyny, the bloodspray, the hilarity. That I actually forgot most of the first 3 episodes the first time I saw this is just a testament of how much Mad Bull keeps on topping itself. I’m sure the NYPD has never been more proud.
4) Prince of Tennis
When I first saw this, I knew it was something I wanted to show to other people. When I finally got the chance to show this, I knew Terribad was here to stay.
3) Garzey’s Wing
I’ll never forget the first Terribad. After the first episode, I remember Amelia declared, “Okay, there are no more bad anime.” Dream on, Amelia. Dream on.
2) Kenya Boy
As the keeper of the Terribad Vault, I already had seen roughly half of the shows we’ve watched up to this point, so things rarely surprise me. Kenya Boy blew my fucking mind. The exhilaration of discovery, the sheer joy of sharing the experience with friends; Anime never seemed so vast and full of potential as it did that night.
1) Apocalypse Zero
Simply put, a vivid reminder that, yes, some anime is too bad even for Terribad.
Btw, did you see Shinesman? It was accidentally the sole “good” thing we ever saw.
Wish I could have been there for the top three, particularly Kenya Boy. I was crushed when my vacation day for that day wasn’t approved. :(
Haven’t watched Shinesman yet — so you all didn’t skip it? Who knows when I’ll see it … it would certainly be out of place in this group, from the sound of it, haha.
You’ve seen some shit.
I’ve seen a shit ton of shit!
You my friend have outdone yourself. Most epic post you’ve ever done, I will enjoy this post for a long time.
It really make me sad though that I never get to join you guys for this sh*t. It sounds like a lot of fun.
The best part is that I will continue updating it as I watch what the terribad folks watch!
Brilliant post! I salute you for watching so much of this on your own!
Seeing it all listed out like this makes me truly appreciate how much crap we’ve watched in that group – and I wouldn’t change it for the world, some things just require group support to sit through (and without Terribad I’d have never watched some of my awesome Manga Ent. DVDs!)
Memorable events for me have to be Legend of Duo (first Terribad session I ever joined), Kenya Boy (blew me away with how utterly inexplicable it was), Mad Bull 34 (just wow – that dub!), Love, Love? (half the group ragequit midway – new rule, no more paedobait) and the 2nd Garzy’s Wing watch (I was actually crying with laughter during that 1st episode – could not breathe, god love the group’s ears from my cackling).
Yeah, the thing that really struck me while writing this is the sheer amount of garbage we’ve seen. I counted everything out beforehand, and there still ended up being more than I expected. It’s kind of ridiculous.
Awesome to see Kenya Boy is #1. I am so glad I decided to type Africa Anime into a search, just to see what would come up.
Indeed! I am very glad that you reviewed Kenya Boy, and that Kylaran pushed me to see Kenya Boy after reading your review and watching it. Whenever people ask where I found it, I make sure to credit you! :)
Oh you don’t have to do that! I just think it’s hilarious how far it’s spreading.
I think you’re missing Idol Fight Suchie-Pai 2 (there is no 1).
And Golden Wings, but you’d probably like to see LotGH proper first before tarnishing your image of it.
Oh yeah, that’s right. Totally forgot about that. Yeah, I think I’ll leave that off until I finally (someday) finish LoGH.
I’ll make sure it ends up on the next batch of crap with which I update this post.
Hanappe Bazooka is a Nagai/Koike joint. Koike as in Lone Wolf and Cub and Mad Bull, Kazuo Koike. It’s something that Go Nagai actually hated when it was finished because it depicted rape in anything but a bad light.
Just letting you know.
I actually learned that a bit after first publishing this post but have been too lazy to correct it. But thank you all the same!
I guess I better check these out for my own blog. Sure is a lot of these though. It’s going to take a while to get through all of them, even if I have already seen some of them.
I’d say everything through The Golden Laws is immensely entertaining. The stuff after that depends on how much you can stomach what is wrong with them.
Super relieved not to see any series I enjoyed, but admittedly a few I watched, on this list.
Sorry if my English is confusing, it’s not my first language.
.
.
.
Okay, you caught me, it is my first language, I’m just really tired and generally not very good at it in the first place.
lol
Hey, if I were you, I wouldn’t be ashamed to see any series I enjoy end up on here. Well, the ones at the top, anyway. If you reveal that you like Eiken, though, then the shame will be cranked up to 11!
BAOH HAS A LASER CANNON
I’ve only seen a tiny portion of the things on this list, but that Odin credits theme is addicting, quite possibly the best thing in this whole list.
It IS awesome. I legit have that song on my mp3 player.
I guess all of our warnings couldn’t prepare you for the awfulness that is One. We have truly failed. :(
Capricorn is only notable for a finale that pretty much apes DYRL’s almost shot for shot.
Oh god, I was so bored of it by that point that I didn’t even make note of that.
One Trackback
[...] The Time Machine in 1895. The trend in manga began with Go Nagai’s Violence Jack (that of the infamously bad OVAs), which set its story in a Kanto region that has been devastated by an earthquake and a volcano. [...]