51. The Epic of Zektbach
What is it?: One country invades another, as countries are wont to do. At home, one country’s defense is led by a female warrior, Shamshir, who has a sword that allows her to use the power of mathematics and chemistry (or maybe Assassin’s Creed) to slice and dice people good.
What?!: The sword is one of those asshole swords that actively corrupts those who use it, unless they’re The One.
Terrible CG: And lots of it!
If I could get away with just using, “zzzzz” as the entry for this, then I would. There’s zero reason to give a shit about anything that happens here: the kingdoms are utterly bland, the conflict is barely existent, and the individual soldiers are lifeless. Shamshir may as well be slicing up cardboard cutouts rigged to spray blood when they’re hit. I’m not even one of those people who is totally against mindless violence. I just need a reason to give a shit. Is Shamshir as cool or interesting as any other random warrior in anime? Not really. Bleh.
52. Urda
What is it?: During World War II, the Nazis have a plan involving future technology they have snagged. Two agents, Erna and Janet, team up to save two people who were sent back into the past along with the technology. However, they are opposed by notorious one-eyed Nazi Glimhild Kurtz.
What?!: Mona Marshall gives Glimhild perhaps the most absurd German accent I’ve heard in anime.
From the makers of Catblue Dynamite: Except not nearly as enjoyable.
Urda‘s greatest problem is that it takes itself far too seriously. You wouldn’t think this would be a problem for a series about time travel technology and a one-eyed Nazi as its main villain, but there you go. It’s cut from much the same cloth as Catblue: A plot that feels like it’s cobbled together from video game cutscenes, lots of loud set pieces, etc., but that sense of self-seriousness casts a pall over the story. It would help if the story were interesting rather than just audacious, but no. I suppose the twist at the end is OK; not really a game changer, though. It’s worth watching for that ridiculous German accent, though.
53. Gundress
What is it?: The Angel Arms Company protects Japan from terrorists, but they find themselves guarding an evil crime lord in the hopes that he will give up information leading to the downfall of an international terrorism ring. And they spaz out while eating dinner.
What?!: I can’t think of anything crazy to put here, because this is boring.
Zzzzz: zzzzz
If every vaguely cyberpunk anime movie where characters kick ass against ultracorporations/evil governments/terrorist rings were arranged into a Bell Curve, Gundress would be smack dab in the middle. It has all the normal beats and none of the style of the really good ones, but it’s not so terrible that it’s among the worst. (The version I watched must have been cleaned up at some point, because that spazzy animation was not present during that scene.) Unfortunately, unmemorable terribad is no terribad at all.
54. Hanappe Bazooka
What is it?: Horny demons visit a school boy and grant him the power to drive women into frenzies of lust in exchange for doing it with the kid’s mother and sister whenever they want. He is not happy about this.
What?!: It’s Go Nagai. There’s too much I could put in here.
Way too much: Way, way too much.
Hanappe Bazooka is one of those Go Nagai titles I could have seen myself actually digging if it were executed a bit better. It’s so dumb and juvenile and ridiculous that it should be sort of fun for its own sake, but there’s such an overload of insanity and sexy times that my mind broke. I can sort of admire Go Nagai for daring to put the most puerile stuff to page and running with it for a career that has lasted for decades, buuuuuut this I just could not get into, though I didn’t hate it quite as much as some of my terribad comrades.
55. Iron Virgin Jun
What is it?: Jun is to be married on her 18th birthday, but she’s not going to stand for that, and instead defies tradition by running the hell away from all this. Her psychotic mother sends deviant, bloodthirsty goons after her precious daughter, but Jun beats the crap out of them all.
What?!: Penises are power tools.
Final boss: The spirit of Jun’s grandmother.
This might seem weird after what I just wrote, but this is a Go Nagai work I couldn’t get into because I found it too boring. The normal Go Nagai antics seem relatively tame compared to what he usually throws into the ether. The overall story isn’t nuts enough to make up for that, either. It’s just characters you don’t really care about beating a conflict that doesn’t really matter. Yawn.
56. Prayers
What is it?: In 2014, Shibuya becomes an independent nation, but it is cut off from many necessities, and the youth of Shibuya struggle to live. People called Prayers pass the time by engaging in deadly musical games where sound waves are converted to electricity and connected to the brain — whoever survives, wins.
What?!: It’s not just instrumental music, either — singing also kills.
Faux Ranka Lee: She proves what would happen if Ranka were to release an album: People would listen to it, their brains would turn to mush and they would die horrible deaths.
Prayers was conceived as a four-episode OVA but was canceled after two episodes, and boy does it show. There’s clearly some sort of path the OVA intends to trod, with the shadowy figures lurking in the background while the kids in Shibuya work through their silly personal dramas and whatnot. You don’t get Norio Wakamoto to voice a villainous figure if you don’t intend to go somewhere with it, after all! But because there’s no real conclusion to this story, all that stuff looks like nonsense, and thus we’re left with the story of dumb kids who engage in dumb, murderous games for dumb reasons. I guess this Prayers stuff is what replaces Chicken and the like since teenagers need to be self-destructive. The first episode is mostly introduction, and the second tries to build an emotional story with a childhood friend of some sort who is so obviously going to be the opponent in the concert at the end that she may as well have carried a sign with “Faux Ranka’s singing is going to make my head explode” in big, bold letters.
57. Roots Search
What is it?: A group of scientists roam through space in their spaceship and come across a wounded man. After he heals, he informs the crew that an alien is after him, and they have to kill the alien before it kills them. The alien has psychic powers that drive people insane with their guilty fantasies before it kills them.
What?!: The ending involves the two main characters dancing around naked and going back into the spaceship, their fates ultimately unclear.
Vagina alien: I should probably have censored that screenshot.
Roots Search isn’t merely a ripoff of Alien. It’s more like a ripoff of a knockoff of a plagiarized script of Alien. If you think the story sounds like it could be decent in spite of that, well, you will be disappointed. The OVA is 45 minutes and feels three times that long, except the languid pacing isn’t used for anything remotely resembling character development, world building or entertainment. And the movie is just straight-up ugly. Not like “bad animation” ugly (though that doesn’t help), but like “modern video game BROWNS AND GRAYS ARE AWESOME aesthetic” ugly.
58. Ryokunohara Labyrinth
What is it?: Hiroki and Kanata have been best friends forever. One day, though, Hiroki is hit by a car while saving a little girl. His spirit leaves his body, but the body is still alive, apparently by the influence of a princess or some such who wants to be with him forever. Hiroki must find his way back into his body, or else there will be no doujins.
What?!: Half the OVA is spent on inexplicable musical montages.
Women: They ruin everything.
I’ll be honest: I have no idea what in the holy fuck happened in this OVA. I gather that there’s a princess who wants to fuck Hiroki’s brains out, so she steals his spirit and gives Kanata some empty Hiroki body to keep him busy, or something, but other than that, I’m totally lost. I think the basic message, though, is that het shipping should just stay the fuck out of our boy x boy shipping.
59. Skelter Heaven
What is it?: From the makers of Mars of Destruction comes another short OVA about a group of freedom fighters taking on a mysterious invader, only with a story even more confusing and inexplicable, and more AWFUL CGI YAAAAAAAAAY.
What?!: Needs more classical music!
Like “The Barber of Seville Overture”? Yes.
I watched this only a few days ago and forgot everything that happened, except for the parts that involved hilariously ugly CGI. It might have broken my brain, actually. As I was watching this, there was some small part of me that would sense the subconscious portions of my brain rewriting reality so that I could forget exactly what I watched. Not that it’s necessarily worse than anything before or after; it’s just that my brain thought it preferable to just chuck the information out as I received it.
60. Hanoka
What is it?: This takes place on a faraway planet where human beings nonetheless exist. Humans are fighting against aliens who want to get rid of them because they’re destroying the environment and so on. But the humans have a secret weapon in the form of a girl who is part-human and part-alien, and therefore really strong. It’s the Super Saiyan Hybrid Rule: Gohan is the strongest Super Saiyan because he’s got those Saiyan and human genes working together.
What?!: It’s also the first TV anime made using Adobe Flash, so as you can imagine, it looks great.
The Kare Kano School: Of flashbacks and recap, that is.
I don’t want to rag too much on how Hanoka looks. Whenever you hear something like, “This is the first [insert medium here] to use [insert technology here]“, that doesn’t usually mean great things. So Hanoka looks like crap. Whatever. It’s too bad the story matches. To be fair, though, nobody should expect a 12-episode anime that has an average run time of 5 minutes per episode (including OP and recap) to be more than a bundle of cliches and stock characters. I’d write more, but just thinking about this is putting me to sleep.
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Holy cow! Five pages of this! Will have to finish reading when I get back from work.
I BROUGHT THE BIG GUNS FOR THIS, MY FRIEND
I don’t have the chance to do Terribad much myself either but I do wish you were there more when I do! It is truly the highlight of all anime watching, much as Cosprayers was the highlight of all anime production.
Re: Vampire Wars:
There was one line, when the guy wakes up and swears totally inappropriately but I can’t remember what it was — “WHAT THE ASS??” or something like that that had us rolling. But nothing on par with any of Sleepy’s lines.
Haha, now that you mention it, I remember something similar to that in the movie. Manga UK was really at the top of its game for that dub.
Garzey’s Wing is my favorite anime.
But I can see why you’d put Kenya Boy at #1.
I might just fandub Legend of Duo for you.
and then I noticed five pages. Where’s the Sisters?
Or Shuffle for that matter?
I should have explained it better in the intro, but I included only anime that has been watched in the SCCSAV wing that watches such things. I doubt you’ll see Shuffle! or Sister Princess on here, because they’d never touch them, but I assure you they would be at the bottom. Both lower than Odin, I might add.
Kenya Boy was my first terribad group experience. That somehow makes me very happy; it could have been Apocalypse Zero *shudders*. Still, Garzey’s Wing will always be my champion on this list, if only for the line, “I’m not lying, 12th and 13th century foreigners surround me!”
Also, no Urotsukidoji? Granted, it’s by no means the worst thing here, but it should have some recognition, if only for scaring the shit out of me when I was 15 years old.
I only included stuff that has been watched in the SCCSAV terribad group.
The only one I watched was Itsudatte My Santa!, which only got a ~ out of me. Maybe you’d like it more if you watched it dubbed.
Maybe, but that would also mean watching it again, and I’d rather my penis took an acid bath.
I watched Itsudatte My Santa twice. I maintain that the first episode isn’t dreadful
Thanks for a fantastically entertaining read. The dialogue in Angel Cop, your scorn towards the nested plot flashbacks in Legend of Duo, your moeficiation of Dracula – every step of the way is paved with gold.
Thanks!
Oh wow. That Prince of Tennis clip. The universe has nothing on Tezuka. I’m glad a newer anime has made it to the top 10. I swear the show is just shamlessly cheesy. It embraces shounen exaggeration like nothing else.
I haven’t seen most of this but I definitely enjoyed Garzey’s Wing, Mars of Destruction and of course, Kenya Boy. I’m not sure what to make of those last minutes of the film. But let me assure you that it was mindblowing. I might have to check out Mad Bull 34 now.
It was a blast watching that because before then I knew only cursory things about Prince of Tennis. I didn’t expect anything that ridiculous!
Project ICE though, was mindnumbing boring and bad. I guess it’s licensed due to ties with a certain 48 member idol group…
I hadn’t really thought of that. Not really sure how popular they are over here, since I don’t follow that scene at all, but I could see that marketing angle being pursued.
If it wasn’t for shit like this, I wouldn’t give a damn about anime. I’ll take Vampire Wars or California Crisis over Madoka or some Ghibli movie or whatever else any day.
Many of these do make anime quite a bit more fun.
Watch the first episode of Charger Girl Juuden-chan. Thank me (read: hunt me down with a spork) later.
I’ll see what I can do! (Though I really need to get back to putting a dent into my not-terribad anime pile, haha. Too many good shows I’ve been putting off for too long!)
TENNIS KILLED THE DINOSAURS
And nuclear missiles brought them back.
I remember that back in high school, the anime club had a tradition (which they dropped pretty quickly after the seniors left, unfortunately) of watching this OVA called Tattoon Master. I dunno if it’s bad enough to occupy a place on this list, but I remember it being pretty terrible and having a hilariously bad dub as well.
Now at college my friends and I randomly blurt out “I must make sense of my convoluted situation!” I think we’ve got it bad.
(Also, note: randomly came across Vampire Wars in the DVD cabinet of a pretty great hotel on the south side of Jamaica. I was pretty surprised, but unfortunately was unable to watch it because a) didn’t have time and b)I was there with the rest of my family. Still though–space vampires. Envious.)
I will certainly keep that in mind!
And, wow, that’s kind of awesome, haha. I remember seeing a while back that Vampire Wars was on Netflix Instant — don’t know if it’s still on there, but that might be a way to see it.
Quick Top 5 Terribad experiences:
5) Mad Bull 34
Spanning two weeks, it was quintessential Terribad. The accents, the misogyny, the bloodspray, the hilarity. That I actually forgot most of the first 3 episodes the first time I saw this is just a testament of how much Mad Bull keeps on topping itself. I’m sure the NYPD has never been more proud.
4) Prince of Tennis
When I first saw this, I knew it was something I wanted to show to other people. When I finally got the chance to show this, I knew Terribad was here to stay.
3) Garzey’s Wing
I’ll never forget the first Terribad. After the first episode, I remember Amelia declared, “Okay, there are no more bad anime.” Dream on, Amelia. Dream on.
2) Kenya Boy
As the keeper of the Terribad Vault, I already had seen roughly half of the shows we’ve watched up to this point, so things rarely surprise me. Kenya Boy blew my fucking mind. The exhilaration of discovery, the sheer joy of sharing the experience with friends; Anime never seemed so vast and full of potential as it did that night.
1) Apocalypse Zero
Simply put, a vivid reminder that, yes, some anime is too bad even for Terribad.
Btw, did you see Shinesman? It was accidentally the sole “good” thing we ever saw.
Wish I could have been there for the top three, particularly Kenya Boy. I was crushed when my vacation day for that day wasn’t approved. :(
Haven’t watched Shinesman yet — so you all didn’t skip it? Who knows when I’ll see it … it would certainly be out of place in this group, from the sound of it, haha.
You’ve seen some shit.
I’ve seen a shit ton of shit!
You my friend have outdone yourself. Most epic post you’ve ever done, I will enjoy this post for a long time.
It really make me sad though that I never get to join you guys for this sh*t. It sounds like a lot of fun.
The best part is that I will continue updating it as I watch what the terribad folks watch!
Brilliant post! I salute you for watching so much of this on your own!
Seeing it all listed out like this makes me truly appreciate how much crap we’ve watched in that group – and I wouldn’t change it for the world, some things just require group support to sit through (and without Terribad I’d have never watched some of my awesome Manga Ent. DVDs!)
Memorable events for me have to be Legend of Duo (first Terribad session I ever joined), Kenya Boy (blew me away with how utterly inexplicable it was), Mad Bull 34 (just wow – that dub!), Love, Love? (half the group ragequit midway – new rule, no more paedobait) and the 2nd Garzy’s Wing watch (I was actually crying with laughter during that 1st episode – could not breathe, god love the group’s ears from my cackling).
Yeah, the thing that really struck me while writing this is the sheer amount of garbage we’ve seen. I counted everything out beforehand, and there still ended up being more than I expected. It’s kind of ridiculous.
Awesome to see Kenya Boy is #1. I am so glad I decided to type Africa Anime into a search, just to see what would come up.
Indeed! I am very glad that you reviewed Kenya Boy, and that Kylaran pushed me to see Kenya Boy after reading your review and watching it. Whenever people ask where I found it, I make sure to credit you! :)
Oh you don’t have to do that! I just think it’s hilarious how far it’s spreading.
I think you’re missing Idol Fight Suchie-Pai 2 (there is no 1).
And Golden Wings, but you’d probably like to see LotGH proper first before tarnishing your image of it.
Oh yeah, that’s right. Totally forgot about that. Yeah, I think I’ll leave that off until I finally (someday) finish LoGH.
I’ll make sure it ends up on the next batch of crap with which I update this post.
Hanappe Bazooka is a Nagai/Koike joint. Koike as in Lone Wolf and Cub and Mad Bull, Kazuo Koike. It’s something that Go Nagai actually hated when it was finished because it depicted rape in anything but a bad light.
Just letting you know.
I actually learned that a bit after first publishing this post but have been too lazy to correct it. But thank you all the same!
I guess I better check these out for my own blog. Sure is a lot of these though. It’s going to take a while to get through all of them, even if I have already seen some of them.
I’d say everything through The Golden Laws is immensely entertaining. The stuff after that depends on how much you can stomach what is wrong with them.
Super relieved not to see any series I enjoyed, but admittedly a few I watched, on this list.
Sorry if my English is confusing, it’s not my first language.
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Okay, you caught me, it is my first language, I’m just really tired and generally not very good at it in the first place.
lol
Hey, if I were you, I wouldn’t be ashamed to see any series I enjoy end up on here. Well, the ones at the top, anyway. If you reveal that you like Eiken, though, then the shame will be cranked up to 11!
BAOH HAS A LASER CANNON
I’ve only seen a tiny portion of the things on this list, but that Odin credits theme is addicting, quite possibly the best thing in this whole list.
It IS awesome. I legit have that song on my mp3 player.
I guess all of our warnings couldn’t prepare you for the awfulness that is One. We have truly failed. :(
Capricorn is only notable for a finale that pretty much apes DYRL’s almost shot for shot.
Oh god, I was so bored of it by that point that I didn’t even make note of that.
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[...] The Time Machine in 1895. The trend in manga began with Go Nagai’s Violence Jack (that of the infamously bad OVAs), which set its story in a Kanto region that has been devastated by an earthquake and a volcano. [...]