41. Abashiri Ikka
What is it?: The Abashiri family is one of Japan’s most notorious gangs; however, they’re pulling one more job before hanging it up for good. Afterward, the Abashiri daughter, Kikunosuke, is sent to a boarding school so that she can grow up as a normal girl and not a gang member. Unfortunately, as is often wont to happen, the school is run by evil teachers who beat, rape and murder students.
What?!: Much like with Kawajiri, this is an OVA based off a Go Nagai work, so it’s one long “What?!” moment. Maybe the “What?!” is learning that it’s not QUITE as viciously, horrifically rapey as other Go Nagai stuff? (While still being rather rapey, mind.)
Abashiris: I like them better when they are robbing banks.
I’m running out of things to say about OVAs adapted from Go Nagai works. The history behind the original Abashiri Ikka manga is kind of interesting: Basically, Go Nagai created it in protest to the outcries against one of his first big successes, Harenchi Gakuen. So basically this is Go Nagai saying, “You guys want something really offensive? Well, here you go!” You can imagine how that went, content-wise. The beginning is actually kind of fun. It depicts the Abashiri family’s final bank heist; it’s appropriately loud and ridiculous, with each family member getting introduced killing a bunch of mooks with a crazy power. Then it slows down once the Abashiris become more normal and send Kikunosuke to the boarding school. I’m not sure how accurate the OVA’s plot is to the manga, but it’s full of students vs. faculty stuff I’ve seen tons of times before; I guess I wouldn’t be surprised to hear this manga originated a lot of that. Still, it’s quite dull until the big war at the end when suddenly it’s super violent — like way more violent than before. It’s kind of weird!
42. Hon Ran aka Crimson Wolf
What is it?: Archaeologists do what they do best in movies and wake the slumbering spirit of Genghis Khan. Mr. Khan is not so happy about this and foretells doom for the human race unless three chosen ones can defeat the three emperors so that Khan can catch another thousand-year nap.
What?!: The Big Bad is a giant supercomputer. What this has to do with Genghis Khan I don’t know.
Sexy times across the ages: Two of the chosen ones totally did the nasty in the pasty and recall their memories while screwing like untamed ferrets in the present.
Hon Ran is your basic early ’90s ultraviolent OVA that was farted out so very much. Body parts are chopped up, people are shot everywhere, there’s lots of boning and nudity, the whole nine yards. I’ve seen so much of this basic type of OVA that I’m honestly getting bored of them. Hon Ran isn’t any better or worse than a lot of them — I mean, Genghis Khan’s ghost is involved in this silly mess, but it’s not as if the plot is any dumber than other anime. It’s just . . . there’s nothing really interesting, exciting or different about it. It’s a competent but boring production.
43. Battle Spirits: Ryoko no Ken
What is it?: Martial artist Ryo and his best friend, Robert, get into a series of scrapes involving a lost cat, ancient artifacts, overdue bills, and Ryo’s sister being kidnapped by the mob. No big deal.
What?!: The crime lord’s name is Mr. Big.
Getting the cat back: The most important mission of all.
Battle Spirits is a big, dumb, goofy OVA. I honestly barely remember anything except the major beats, which is why it’s so low. You’d think something that mixed cat sitting and the mob would be more memorable.
44. Super Mario Bros.: Great Mission to Rescue Princess Peach
What is it?: Mario and Luigi are shop keepers who live in Brooklyn and thirst for adventure. A wizard sends them a dog, who leads them to the Mushroom Kingdom, which is located right next to Brooklyn, which may not actually be Brooklyn at all since it seems like their shop is in a desert. Anyway, they have to collect some MacGuffins so that they can kick Bowser’s ass and stop his Mayan wedding ritual before we have to see his disgusting wedding night with Peach.
What?!: The dog is a prince who cockblocks Mario by totally sexing up Peach.
Horny toads: Mushrooms the world over want to launch their spores onto Mario, if you know what I mean.
If there’s something that rarely works, it’s pushing story where it’s unnecessary. Does Super Mario Bros. need a story outside of “Mario rescues Peach and murders turtles”? Of course not! But that doesn’t stop garbage like this from being made. And because there is no story to speak of, everything has to be filled out with mushrooms trying to round up an orgy for Mario, Mario dressing like a ballerina, Peach using magic powers to change Bowser’s shape, and so on. This fucking movie, god damn.
45. Voltage Fighter Gowcaizer
What is it?: A mysterious transfer student has great potential for power within him. A fellow student helps him out by hooking him up with a stone that allows him to transform into an armored action hero.
What?!: The character designs, story and overall feel are ’90s as FUCK. I mean, Jesus Christ, look at those two up there! There are also plenty of giant, heaving titties and leotard thongs to sway you if you remain unconvinced.
Omni Exist: Final Fantasy villain or the final boss of Gowcaizer? You decide.
I’ll be honest: I was so struck by how GOD DAMN ’90s this is that I have only the slightest idea of what actually happens in this. I know there’s a special stone, some sort of god creature that takes over a school for some reason, an obscenely powerful student council headed by an incestuous brother and sister (I think??), and a robot that gets a nosebleed when it sees its giant-tittied master taking a shower. That’s pretty much what I recall from the story. I don’t even remember any character names. The sheer, absurd ’90s-ness of this carried all the entertainment value for me.
46. Kimera
What is it?: Two guys come across an accident scene and find a pod containing a creature that is definitely — definitely! — a woman. One of the dudes is immediately taken with the mysterious, vampiric creature called Kimera. When Kimera is taken away to an Air Force base, the guy in love decides he has to retrieve him — I mean, her! Her! — at any cost. Unfortunately, there are other vampires around who totes want to tap that.
What?!: Someone drops a keycard that allows our hero to easily get around the Air Force base. Oops!
In denial: ADV, which tries pretty desperately in the English dub to pretend it’s not two dudes smoochin’ away.
Well, technically, I believe Kimera is supposed to be intersex. But, really, that’s just to provide a reason why Kimera can make vampire babies. Really, Kimera is intended to be a dude who can make babies, like Arnold Schwarzenegger. I guess you just can’t have a dude making out with a vampire dude, even if their romance is fairly tepid. It’s not like Kimera is wall-to-wall vampire buttsex. Actually, that might have made this OVA exciting, because this is boring as fuck.
47. Pinky Street
What is it?: An action figure named Saki has the ability to transport people to a terribly rendered CG world where they can overcome their insecurities. Saki helps a tomboy named Mei get the courage to wear girly clothes and be a girl, and she helps an obsessive otaku named Keiichirou . . . uh, I’m not really sure how she helped Keiichirou.
What?!: Nothing really that “What?!” worthy since this is a kids show, but I’m pretty sure Keiichirou has jerked off to Saki plenty.
Saki: If you want to reinforce gender roles, she’s the magical girl for you!
I’m not totally sure why Pinky Street came up in the terribad watch. Maybe it’s because of the super low MAL score? It’s not really that bad; just pretty dull, and the Mei episode sends some unfortunate mixed signals to kids. People won’t accept you unless you fit yourself into accepted gender roles! Yeah, you can argue that Mei wants to have the confidence to wear girly clothes despite her tomboy image, but you can be into “girl” stuff and still be the type of person Mei is in the beginning. Pinky Street doesn’t make that point — it goes full on “Welp, Mei is girlier now, so she’s cool! Yay!” The CG is pretty terrible, too, but otherwise, Pinky Street is just dull, which is something you can say about a ton of stuff ranked higher than this. MAL is just dumb.
48. Idol Fighter SuChiPai
What is it?: There are these legendary mahjong thingers where if you catch ‘em all, you can have any wish you want granted. Several fighters — including a bunny alien, cyborg, domimaidtrix, magical girl pop star, etc. — do battle to get these mahjong MacGuffins. It’s a homeless person’s Fate/zero is what I’m saying, without Gen Urobuchi jerking off whenever someone is horribly brutalized.
What?!: This one-shot was created to advertise a strip mahjong game, so it makes no sense and is full of sexxxy times.
Bunny girl vs. cat girl: Who will win the battle for the hearts of furries everywhere?
Sometimes I miss the practice of making incoherent one-shot OVAs to advertise stupid products. This is essentially a ridiculous series of vignettes highlighting every girl in the game whose clothes you will shed while playing mahjong, you sick fucking perverts. Everything culminates in a final battle against a cat girl that is, um, something, that’s for sure. Remarkably enough, this is actually dubbed in English. Those are days I also miss: when the American anime industry was somehow flush with cash enough to dub garbage like this. I don’t care if actual good anime are dubbed in English, but damn it, give me my stilted, wooden English acting in terrible anime!
49. Karasu Tengu Kabuto: Ougon no Me no Kemono
What is it?: Kabuto is a warrior who saves a princess and her bodyguard from the clutches of an evil sorceress who spends most of her time lounging around in the nude. Also, Kabuto has wings because he’s part raven or something, I don’t know.
What?!: One of Kabuto’s enemies is a samurai mecha, and the mecha’s defeat begins a sort of running gag: the villains leaving the husks of their bodies behind to explode.
Buichi Terasawa: The man behind Cobra wrote the manga this OVA adapts.
I had somewhat high hopes for this OVA due to Terasawa’s name being attached to it. Let me clarify that rather than expecting something “good,” I expected something filled to the brim with weird fucking shit. And there is plenty of strange stuff here! But, much like with Crimson Wolf from earlier, that craziness isn’t quite enough to hold my attention. These ultraviolent OVAs are burning me out! It probably doesn’t help that I don’t give much of a shit about ancient Japan now, too, even when you fill it with samurai mecha and snake ladies. Sorry, Mr. Terasawa. We’ll always have Cobra, which is crazy awesome. Watch Cobra, everyone!
50. Capricorn
What is it?: A high school student is transported to a world where furries rule the land and evil furries are trying to destroy the world and the good furries are trying to stop them. I’m pretty sure this is the plot of Garzey’s Wing but with more animals.
What?!: The main character turns into a dragon at one point. I was really bored during this OVA, so I totally missed how this happened. All I know is that I looked back at the screen and suddenly fat dragon.
Yappie: Half anime cute girl-half dragon, ALL LOVE MACHINE. (OK, not really.)
Ugh. These things are really the worst to watch. It’s utterly mediocre, and the only thing of note that happens is that the main character turns into a sad, fat dragon with no friends. That’s it. There is otherwise nothing remarkable about this. It exists. It can, presumably, be watched from start to finish. It has a bland story that it tells blandly with bland animation that is neither good nor bad. It’s there. It’s all just there.
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Holy cow! Five pages of this! Will have to finish reading when I get back from work.
I BROUGHT THE BIG GUNS FOR THIS, MY FRIEND
I don’t have the chance to do Terribad much myself either but I do wish you were there more when I do! It is truly the highlight of all anime watching, much as Cosprayers was the highlight of all anime production.
Re: Vampire Wars:
There was one line, when the guy wakes up and swears totally inappropriately but I can’t remember what it was — “WHAT THE ASS??” or something like that that had us rolling. But nothing on par with any of Sleepy’s lines.
Haha, now that you mention it, I remember something similar to that in the movie. Manga UK was really at the top of its game for that dub.
Garzey’s Wing is my favorite anime.
But I can see why you’d put Kenya Boy at #1.
I might just fandub Legend of Duo for you.
and then I noticed five pages. Where’s the Sisters?
Or Shuffle for that matter?
I should have explained it better in the intro, but I included only anime that has been watched in the SCCSAV wing that watches such things. I doubt you’ll see Shuffle! or Sister Princess on here, because they’d never touch them, but I assure you they would be at the bottom. Both lower than Odin, I might add.
Kenya Boy was my first terribad group experience. That somehow makes me very happy; it could have been Apocalypse Zero *shudders*. Still, Garzey’s Wing will always be my champion on this list, if only for the line, “I’m not lying, 12th and 13th century foreigners surround me!”
Also, no Urotsukidoji? Granted, it’s by no means the worst thing here, but it should have some recognition, if only for scaring the shit out of me when I was 15 years old.
I only included stuff that has been watched in the SCCSAV terribad group.
The only one I watched was Itsudatte My Santa!, which only got a ~ out of me. Maybe you’d like it more if you watched it dubbed.
Maybe, but that would also mean watching it again, and I’d rather my penis took an acid bath.
I watched Itsudatte My Santa twice. I maintain that the first episode isn’t dreadful
Thanks for a fantastically entertaining read. The dialogue in Angel Cop, your scorn towards the nested plot flashbacks in Legend of Duo, your moeficiation of Dracula – every step of the way is paved with gold.
Thanks!
Oh wow. That Prince of Tennis clip. The universe has nothing on Tezuka. I’m glad a newer anime has made it to the top 10. I swear the show is just shamlessly cheesy. It embraces shounen exaggeration like nothing else.
I haven’t seen most of this but I definitely enjoyed Garzey’s Wing, Mars of Destruction and of course, Kenya Boy. I’m not sure what to make of those last minutes of the film. But let me assure you that it was mindblowing. I might have to check out Mad Bull 34 now.
It was a blast watching that because before then I knew only cursory things about Prince of Tennis. I didn’t expect anything that ridiculous!
Project ICE though, was mindnumbing boring and bad. I guess it’s licensed due to ties with a certain 48 member idol group…
I hadn’t really thought of that. Not really sure how popular they are over here, since I don’t follow that scene at all, but I could see that marketing angle being pursued.
If it wasn’t for shit like this, I wouldn’t give a damn about anime. I’ll take Vampire Wars or California Crisis over Madoka or some Ghibli movie or whatever else any day.
Many of these do make anime quite a bit more fun.
Watch the first episode of Charger Girl Juuden-chan. Thank me (read: hunt me down with a spork) later.
I’ll see what I can do! (Though I really need to get back to putting a dent into my not-terribad anime pile, haha. Too many good shows I’ve been putting off for too long!)
TENNIS KILLED THE DINOSAURS
And nuclear missiles brought them back.
I remember that back in high school, the anime club had a tradition (which they dropped pretty quickly after the seniors left, unfortunately) of watching this OVA called Tattoon Master. I dunno if it’s bad enough to occupy a place on this list, but I remember it being pretty terrible and having a hilariously bad dub as well.
Now at college my friends and I randomly blurt out “I must make sense of my convoluted situation!” I think we’ve got it bad.
(Also, note: randomly came across Vampire Wars in the DVD cabinet of a pretty great hotel on the south side of Jamaica. I was pretty surprised, but unfortunately was unable to watch it because a) didn’t have time and b)I was there with the rest of my family. Still though–space vampires. Envious.)
I will certainly keep that in mind!
And, wow, that’s kind of awesome, haha. I remember seeing a while back that Vampire Wars was on Netflix Instant — don’t know if it’s still on there, but that might be a way to see it.
Quick Top 5 Terribad experiences:
5) Mad Bull 34
Spanning two weeks, it was quintessential Terribad. The accents, the misogyny, the bloodspray, the hilarity. That I actually forgot most of the first 3 episodes the first time I saw this is just a testament of how much Mad Bull keeps on topping itself. I’m sure the NYPD has never been more proud.
4) Prince of Tennis
When I first saw this, I knew it was something I wanted to show to other people. When I finally got the chance to show this, I knew Terribad was here to stay.
3) Garzey’s Wing
I’ll never forget the first Terribad. After the first episode, I remember Amelia declared, “Okay, there are no more bad anime.” Dream on, Amelia. Dream on.
2) Kenya Boy
As the keeper of the Terribad Vault, I already had seen roughly half of the shows we’ve watched up to this point, so things rarely surprise me. Kenya Boy blew my fucking mind. The exhilaration of discovery, the sheer joy of sharing the experience with friends; Anime never seemed so vast and full of potential as it did that night.
1) Apocalypse Zero
Simply put, a vivid reminder that, yes, some anime is too bad even for Terribad.
Btw, did you see Shinesman? It was accidentally the sole “good” thing we ever saw.
Wish I could have been there for the top three, particularly Kenya Boy. I was crushed when my vacation day for that day wasn’t approved. :(
Haven’t watched Shinesman yet — so you all didn’t skip it? Who knows when I’ll see it … it would certainly be out of place in this group, from the sound of it, haha.
You’ve seen some shit.
I’ve seen a shit ton of shit!
You my friend have outdone yourself. Most epic post you’ve ever done, I will enjoy this post for a long time.
It really make me sad though that I never get to join you guys for this sh*t. It sounds like a lot of fun.
The best part is that I will continue updating it as I watch what the terribad folks watch!
Brilliant post! I salute you for watching so much of this on your own!
Seeing it all listed out like this makes me truly appreciate how much crap we’ve watched in that group – and I wouldn’t change it for the world, some things just require group support to sit through (and without Terribad I’d have never watched some of my awesome Manga Ent. DVDs!)
Memorable events for me have to be Legend of Duo (first Terribad session I ever joined), Kenya Boy (blew me away with how utterly inexplicable it was), Mad Bull 34 (just wow – that dub!), Love, Love? (half the group ragequit midway – new rule, no more paedobait) and the 2nd Garzy’s Wing watch (I was actually crying with laughter during that 1st episode – could not breathe, god love the group’s ears from my cackling).
Yeah, the thing that really struck me while writing this is the sheer amount of garbage we’ve seen. I counted everything out beforehand, and there still ended up being more than I expected. It’s kind of ridiculous.
Awesome to see Kenya Boy is #1. I am so glad I decided to type Africa Anime into a search, just to see what would come up.
Indeed! I am very glad that you reviewed Kenya Boy, and that Kylaran pushed me to see Kenya Boy after reading your review and watching it. Whenever people ask where I found it, I make sure to credit you! :)
Oh you don’t have to do that! I just think it’s hilarious how far it’s spreading.
I think you’re missing Idol Fight Suchie-Pai 2 (there is no 1).
And Golden Wings, but you’d probably like to see LotGH proper first before tarnishing your image of it.
Oh yeah, that’s right. Totally forgot about that. Yeah, I think I’ll leave that off until I finally (someday) finish LoGH.
I’ll make sure it ends up on the next batch of crap with which I update this post.
Hanappe Bazooka is a Nagai/Koike joint. Koike as in Lone Wolf and Cub and Mad Bull, Kazuo Koike. It’s something that Go Nagai actually hated when it was finished because it depicted rape in anything but a bad light.
Just letting you know.
I actually learned that a bit after first publishing this post but have been too lazy to correct it. But thank you all the same!
I guess I better check these out for my own blog. Sure is a lot of these though. It’s going to take a while to get through all of them, even if I have already seen some of them.
I’d say everything through The Golden Laws is immensely entertaining. The stuff after that depends on how much you can stomach what is wrong with them.
Super relieved not to see any series I enjoyed, but admittedly a few I watched, on this list.
Sorry if my English is confusing, it’s not my first language.
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Okay, you caught me, it is my first language, I’m just really tired and generally not very good at it in the first place.
lol
Hey, if I were you, I wouldn’t be ashamed to see any series I enjoy end up on here. Well, the ones at the top, anyway. If you reveal that you like Eiken, though, then the shame will be cranked up to 11!
BAOH HAS A LASER CANNON
I’ve only seen a tiny portion of the things on this list, but that Odin credits theme is addicting, quite possibly the best thing in this whole list.
It IS awesome. I legit have that song on my mp3 player.
I guess all of our warnings couldn’t prepare you for the awfulness that is One. We have truly failed. :(
Capricorn is only notable for a finale that pretty much apes DYRL’s almost shot for shot.
Oh god, I was so bored of it by that point that I didn’t even make note of that.
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[...] The Time Machine in 1895. The trend in manga began with Go Nagai’s Violence Jack (that of the infamously bad OVAs), which set its story in a Kanto region that has been devastated by an earthquake and a volcano. [...]