18 CommentsMuv-Luv / By Scamp /

Muv Luv Alternative: Total Eclipse episode 5: Assuming bad writing is inevitable, here’s 3 possible improvements

Shinmaru was apparently incapable of coming up with anything to say about the latest episode of Muv Luv Alternative Total Eclipse of the Buttocks. The reality is that he was too busy having a self-congratulatory wank. So instead it is I, the great Scamp, to swoop on in and save the day! Except I don’t really have much to say about this episode either. So instead I’ll just talk about the series as a whole.

You see, while I quite like the story to Muv Luv it’s a Preferable Alternative to Poking Myself in the Eye With a Fork, with the race relations and camaraderie, the writing is woeful. It’s actively cringe worthy, to the point that I start groaning in despair as the subs cycle across the bottom of the screen. The anime is based off a light novel which in turn was a spin off from a visual novel, neither mediums exactly renowned for their snappy writing. Assuming the bad writing is inevitable, I’m going to do what the title of this post promises and offer 3 possible alternatives to solve this issue.

1) Become a Musical

Nobody cares about the dialogue in a song. Have you ever looked at what the lyrics to opera songs are? The characters are just repeating themselves over and over again. No wonder people watch opera in Latin or Italian instead. Horrible cliche dialouge in a musical setting actually spins around and becomes funny, because it seems like the creator is in on the joke. They don’t have to be in on the joke, it still should work anyway. In fact, all musical writers may in fact be the worst writers known to man, making even video games look like they have decent writing…well, OK maybe not quite that bad.

2) No Dialogue, Just Music

It’s not like anime hasn’t already set a precedent with Interstella 5555. If anything, I feel Interstella gets by an awful lot on its originality and catchy music rather than actually being a good use of the format. The music and the actions on screen didn’t mesh as well as the music did for something like Redline. Redline probably could have removed all the dialogue and its story would still have gotten across just fine. Interstella gets by though because it was ballsy enough to go the whole way and have no dialogue whatsoever. I’d love to see something else try that, especially a short TV series. You even get the bonus of the fanservice feeling more natural in something as goofy as this format will allow you to be. Getting music as good as Daft Punk may be difficult though, especially since the music currently used by Muv Luv Alternative Total Dance Off is universally terrible. But hey, how hard can it be? Say a few lines into a voice synthesizer, play some funky beats, and hey presto you’ve got everything by Daft Punk ever.

3) Interpretive Dance

I know why nobody has done this up until now. The amount of money required to make dancing in animation must be phenomenal, particularly when it comes to the cost cutting crazy nature of Japanese animation. Even anime that have dancing in like Princess Tutu or Rideback barely show them actually doing the dancing. But with Japan slowly getting the hang of CG animation, now has to be time. The Precure franchise is already doing it in their endings, and those are far and away the best parts of that franchise. The robots in most mecha anime are already fully CG. Battles in anime have rarely been grounded in logic anyway, what with the Itano Circus and everything. Giant robots fighting dramatic mock battles in ballet. Make it happen Japan!

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  1. luffyluffy
    Posted August 7, 2012 at 9:47 pm | Permalink

    I dropped this at the beginning of episode five. I just couldn’t stand the racism, and that’s saying something considering me.

    By the way Scamp, are you still watching Hyouka? What are you thinking about it?

    • Scamp
      Posted August 7, 2012 at 9:54 pm | Permalink

      Dropped it after episode 1. Heard people praising it, but I don’t have any real desire to pick it back up again anytime soon

      • luffyluffy
        Posted August 8, 2012 at 2:11 pm | Permalink

        Wow me too. I literally watched it until just after the first mystery just for the frame rate and then dropped it.

      • leokiko
        Posted August 10, 2012 at 6:50 pm | Permalink

        Hyouka is good, try watching it.

  2. Moomba
    Posted August 7, 2012 at 10:01 pm | Permalink

    1) Become a Musical

    Dear god don’t even joke about that!

    • Stef
      Posted August 8, 2012 at 9:37 am | Permalink

      As much as I find musicals to be terrible show-killing ideas, putting something stupid on top of something stupid might just make it awesome.

    • Scamp
      Posted August 8, 2012 at 8:57 pm | Permalink

      I’m generally not big on musicals that much either, but I think that may be because I don’t like the music in the ones I’ve seen

  3. Posted August 7, 2012 at 10:12 pm | Permalink

    … lol yeah, nothing to say. I’m enjoying the series about as much as I can, but I’m a total newbie so I can’t really write about the franchise itself, and my robot-fu/military-fu is way too weak to write about the series from that standpoint. Muv-Luv is mostly somethin’ I’m digging watching OK but can’t really write about past a certain limit. It happens, sadly! Gotta know when to throw in the towel (and write a post on Aquarion EVOL said).

    Anyway, of these ideas, I like the musical one best, if only because I have a weak spot for a good musical. Sure they are overly long and often quite silly and cheesy, but musicals can be pretty fun. Plus, we’d probably get an intermission! How often do you see those anymore?

    • Scamp
      Posted August 8, 2012 at 8:59 pm | Permalink

      I grab it from you and the next episode is a fucking beach episode -_-

      My personal favourite from the list is the interpretive dance, but it would also be the most difficult to do so I don’t ever expect to see it. I should just fly to Japan and watch that Galactic Heroes stage play instead

  4. Posted August 7, 2012 at 11:01 pm | Permalink

    “Giant robots fighting dramatic mock battles in ballet. Make it happen Japan!”
    This would make me pick the show back up again immediately.

    • Posted August 8, 2012 at 9:42 am | Permalink

      So more like Star Driver or more like Princess Tutu? I’m confused on what Scamp wants!

      • Scamp
        Posted August 8, 2012 at 9:00 pm | Permalink

        Closer to Star Driver I guess. Star Driver’s problem had absolutely nothing to do with its style. It was the story that was the issue (ie it had none)

  5. Posted August 8, 2012 at 11:30 am | Permalink

    I don’t know what’s worse, this show staying the same as it is or that the combination of all three of these ideas together would be an exact replica AKB0048. One way or another, I don’t like it.

    • Scamp
      Posted August 8, 2012 at 9:00 pm | Permalink

      Goddamnit, why does AKB0048 have to be about friggen idols! Everything else about it makes it sound like my dream anime

      • thewizardninja
        Posted August 9, 2012 at 7:14 am | Permalink

        It would be just as terrible even without them. In fact, it’s probably better with them.

  6. hint
    Posted August 8, 2012 at 4:38 pm | Permalink

    nd you are still watching after 6ep ehhhhh???? im total eclipsed.
    Then, go till the end ill follow!

  7. Anne Onymous
    Posted August 8, 2012 at 9:38 pm | Permalink

    4) Have everyone voiced by Wakamoto.

    • Scamp
      Posted August 8, 2012 at 9:59 pm | Permalink

      That too is an acceptable alternative

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