10 CommentsFirst Impressions / By Scamp /

Gyrozetter episode 1 – I have seen the future, and it has a 6 year old girl driving a Toyota Prius

It’s quarter past the future, and science has managed to make AI cars. This means that everyone from the age of 6 is allowed to drive. What does this mean for the future of automobile transportation? Does it mean the cars are controlled automatically and all you need to do is punch in the destination? Well, no, because the cars still have steering wheels. Do they drive automatically? No, they still have pedals. They even still have hand brakes. Does this mean they can’t go off the road? Nope, because in the 6 year old girl’s driving exam, she had to parallel park and was disqualified when she mounted the kerb. If you ever got me into a car and asked me to parallel park, I’d be more likely to accidentally launch a nuclear warhead at Istanbul than parallel park successfully.

How on earth does a 6 year old girl drive a car anyway? She’s about 3 feet tall, she barely reaches my waist. How does she reach the pedals? It’s not like her seat is pushed that far forward. Maybe she has some Mr. Bean-like contraption where she has strapped mops to the soles of her shoes to reach the pedals?

Oh well scratch that then. With those little dainty shoes, the whole sight is incredibly bizarre.

When it comes to these kinds of kids shows, you have to insert your mind into this bizarre world where the entire population is infatuated by this children’s toy, like cards or spinning tops or whatever. The strange thing about Gyrozetter is that it’s actually about something the entire world is already crazy about, which brings to light a whole other set of strange things about these worlds you had never considered about before. For example, isn’t it a bit messed up that we take 6 ear old children out of proper education and into a school where all they learn is about how to drive? It’s like some demented scheme to create the next best formula 1 driver, while the rest are thrown out like the rags that they are. Sounds eerily familiar to the footbal-sorry, saaawwwcurrr schools you hear rich people set up in Africa. Desperate mothers send their children there because of the minute chance that they may get a big money deal in Europe, but the reality is most kids end up stranded far away from home with no chance in hell of making it.

Nice Bolt pose there.

There are more questions than answers in the first episode of Gyrozetter. For example, why weren’t the police anywhere in sight when a group of dangerous drivers stormed into an elementary school and nearly kidnapped the children? Surely that’s something they should be interested in, especially since the whole thing was broadcasted live on TV. Also why did the school let the kid skid his car dangerously across the parking lot to park while there were children inches away from where there were children standing. Surely that’s an offence worthy of having his license taken off him? Not just a short tut-tut from his teacher.

Or maybe the teacher couldn’t suspend him because he is the CHOSEN ONE to drive the fancy robot car (which, by the way, the entire scene plays out like a James Bond supercar reveal). If it genuinely is that easy to drive a car that a 6 year old can do it, surely they could get someone better to drive their new car than some 10 year old kid? Wait no, it has to be this kid. The robot/car only lights up in the presence of children because *HIGHLY INAPPROPRIATE JOKE ABOUT DECEASED YORKSHIRE DISC JOCKEY*

In all seriousness, I’d probably have quite liked Gyrozetter if I was 6 years old myself. Who doesn’t dream about being able to parallel park at that age?

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  1. Posted October 15, 2012 at 7:34 pm | Permalink

    Two things I got out of this post are that I now envision Gyrozetter as Transformers, but with children, and you’re spelling of the word “kerb. Over here on the other side of the pond we spell it “curb”.

    • Scamp
      Posted October 15, 2012 at 10:57 pm | Permalink

      I can never remember which is the right form for kerb/curb

      • Thrashy
        Posted October 15, 2012 at 11:48 pm | Permalink

        Some of the buff books over here still use “kerb weight” in their spec sheets, but I suspect that’s got as much to with the average of 15 Truimphs/MGBs that the editors of said magazine own as it does with proper American spelling.

  2. Cirith
    Posted October 15, 2012 at 8:13 pm | Permalink

    If you consider that there are self driving cars being tested right now, which don’t require input, it makes these cars sound even sillier. Well I guess it will take a few more years to finish he testing phase and a few decades for the laws to catch up, but then we will have superior AI cars.

    • Cirith
      Posted October 15, 2012 at 8:51 pm | Permalink

      I decided to watch it on a whim and seriously what exactly is the AI part? Do they correct minor errors or something like that? I don’t know. But anyway I found it amusing, animes for children can be so silly.

      • Scamp
        Posted October 15, 2012 at 10:58 pm | Permalink

        I have no idea what makes them special either. They never specify, beyond the fact that now children can drive them. What a wonderful future we shall live in!

  3. luffyluffy
    Posted October 15, 2012 at 10:18 pm | Permalink

    Scamp, don’t be so hard on it. It’s got a CGI Dance Ending, that automatically makes it better than most anime currently airing.

    • Scamp
      Posted October 15, 2012 at 10:59 pm | Permalink

      Oh man, how did I forget to write about that? Admittedly I blew my load on that last week when I saw it originally

      • luffyluffy
        Posted October 16, 2012 at 5:02 am | Permalink

        I hope the merch is cheap i wanna stick my dick in the blue one and the yellow one too mmmm robits

  4. Yalanjini
    Posted October 31, 2012 at 5:11 am | Permalink

    First rule of kids shows
    1. Adults are Useless or mostly ignorant

    Second Rule of Kids shows
    2. Kids always save the day

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