19 CommentsFirst Impressions / By Shinmaru /

Futari wa Milky Holmes 1 – THEY CHANGED IT, NOW IT SUCKS


I’m attracted to the odd and the bizarre, especially when it comes to comedy. I like seeing mad scenarios drawn to their logical conclusions, and I have great admiration for those who can see the world in such an oddball, humorous way. Recently I fell hard for the two seasons of Tantei Opera Milky Holmes, whose world is about as strange as it gets in anime. There’s a teacher/thief with extendable nipples, a prince with some distinct kinks, the god of lard, and, of course, the four heroines, who are all awful detectives and awful and/or pathetic people in general. But while Milky Holmes is definitely strange, there’s solid comedic chops that give form to the madness. The slapstick in particular is excellent, and it really has to be so that seeing the detectives fail miserably every week stays funny rather than depressing.

This brings us to Futari wa Milky Holmes, which, at least through the first episode, is about as far from the above as one could get. It’s more similar in tone to the Milky Holmes Alternative OVA; this is a more relatively serious look at the girls, mostly light-hearted but with the four actually being competent detectives, helping a girl and solving a crime. It’s also incredibly boring. There’s nothing particularly interesting or charming about the Milky Holmes quartet being nice and good at their jobs. But when they’re selfish, awful and mean? Now that’s something — they have character, they have desires, and they’re viciously funny.

So of course the best thing to do is to strip away all the humor and sub in awkward digital backgrounds. Right. Fuck you, car! I see you there!

Basically nothing of interest happens in this episode. We have two girls who are fans of the Milky Holmes girls but also want to be great detectives themselves. The G4 quartet of police officers has been split up, with Kokoro on duty with Yukari from Girls und Panzer some random girl. There are even new Phantom Thieves — no Twenty, no Rat, no Stone River and no Arsene. It’s all set up as a battle between the suddenly competent Milky Holmes detectives and a dangerous group of thieves. Maybe it will defy all expectations and be interesting, but I doubt it. This episode is half as long as a normal Milky Holmes episode and looks far worse than anything from the first two seasons, so forgive me if I have little faith in this project.

There’s still a chance to save it. The first episode of Milky Holmes is amusing for stringing the audience along and fooling them into thinking it will be a somewhat serious magical powers show, when in fact by the end they lose their Toys (psychic powers, basically) and are revealed to be selfish fuck-ups. There is room for this to be similar — just play on the one girl’s fandom of Milky Holmes and have her expectations be crushed by how awful the girls really are. Perhaps well-trodden ground, but the potential for good comedy is there. Maybe the show will surprise me; I would certainly be pleased to eat my words here.

But hey. Even if this new season is terrible, the first two seasons of Milky Holmes still exist. It’s a miracle that something that bizarre survived for so long. Anything that produced the conclusion of Milky Holmes‘ second season — undoubtedly one of the all-time great “We’re going to kick God’s ass!!” scenarios — should be praised rather than mourned. So I will always love you, Milky Holmes, even if your characters are suddenly competent.

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  1. Posted July 18, 2013 at 6:35 pm | Permalink

    I blame that fucking car.

    • Shinmaru
      Posted July 20, 2013 at 9:54 pm | Permalink

      I see nothing wrong with your blame.

  2. Kiri
    Posted July 18, 2013 at 9:46 pm | Permalink

    I did a spit take while looking at that image.

    It looks suspiciously like the sort of needlessly detailed background you’d normally find in a Saki manga chapter…

    Well, I don’t expect much from this. An adaptation without the miracle of Twenty’s nipples is doomed to fail.

    • Shinmaru
      Posted July 20, 2013 at 9:56 pm | Permalink

      Miracles are allowed to burn bright only so long, it seems. :(

  3. NormalMar
    Posted July 18, 2013 at 11:42 pm | Permalink

    “There are even new Phantom Thieves — no Twenty, no Rat, no Stone River and no Arsene.”

    Dropped before I could ever pick it up. I love those guys. =(

    (I guess I should eventually start on the second season sometime.)

    • Shinmaru
      Posted July 20, 2013 at 9:59 pm | Permalink

      I hope you enjoy the sheer beauty and majesty of the final arc.

  4. T1g
    Posted July 19, 2013 at 12:32 am | Permalink

    Well if Twenty isn’t in the show I don’t see why I should bother watching it.

    Apparently it’s supposed to be closer to the source material, which the first two seasons parodied. Which is why the first two seasons are so much better.

    • Chipp
      Posted July 19, 2013 at 8:50 am | Permalink

      It doesn’t have a source material or something like that – it’s an original franchise and it was just decided that the games will have a serious story while anime will be a gag comedy. Now they’ve just decided to take a whole new turn…

      • T1g
        Posted July 20, 2013 at 7:31 pm | Permalink

        Thats what I meant, the games are what came first, and the show was a parody of the games

    • Shinmaru
      Posted July 20, 2013 at 9:59 pm | Permalink

      A lack of Twenty is but one reason why people should not bother.

  5. Taka
    Posted July 19, 2013 at 7:51 am | Permalink

    Different director for the series as well. This time it’s being directed by Azumanga director. So it could be funny…oh what’s this he also directed Season one and two of To Aru no Majutsu Index? *sigh* (And some other shit that I haven’t seen and probably never will)

    I’m just going to hope that they decide to make a 3rd Season with the original director.

    • Chipp
      Posted July 19, 2013 at 8:54 am | Permalink

      … by haveing a new director, story composer, music composer and even a new character designer/animation director! (which was the same for all other anime installations and is known for “his strongly distorted character style and peculiar sense for timing”).
      Oh and it’s also an official 3rd season.

      • Taka
        Posted July 19, 2013 at 11:03 pm | Permalink

        The third season of Milky Holmes does not yet exist.

        Just like there is no Tsukihime anime.

    • Stef
      Posted July 19, 2013 at 9:00 am | Permalink

      If the script itself isn’t strong, no amount of directing will save it. Plus Azumanga was more than ten years ago.

  6. Chipp
    Posted July 19, 2013 at 8:48 am | Permalink

    I guess you should drop it right now because I’ve checked wiki and it says that this season will be more serious instead of gag comedy.

    • Shinmaru
      Posted July 20, 2013 at 10:01 pm | Permalink


  7. Posted July 20, 2013 at 4:27 am | Permalink

    Hey, are you as hideously disappointed as I am that the glasses guy in Free! isn’t voiced by the guy who voiced Twenty?

    • Shinmaru
      Posted July 20, 2013 at 10:02 pm | Permalink

      I am imagining him with Twenty’s nipples, and I think my brain is leaking out through my nose now.

  8. Yuri Viewer
    Posted September 16, 2013 at 4:58 am | Permalink

    I for one am enjoying the third season of Milky Holmes. The only negative I see to it is that the episodes are so short.

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