37 CommentsFirst Impressions, Hopefully Humorous / By Scamp /

BREAD: THE ANIMATION episode 1

BREAD

MUTHA FOOKIN BREAD

LIKE WOOOOOAAAAAHHH MAN, IT’S BREAD

Sorry, but when I reach the end of first impression posts, my brain starts to melt out of my ears as I struggle to come up with something new to say. Especially when it comes to something as utterly banal as BREAD: THE ANIMATION.

The story in BREAD: THE ANIMATION is about this guy called Rick. Everybody loves Rick because he has the best goddam BREAD in town. I’m not quite sure what it is he puts in his BREAD to make everyone so thrilled by it. Since everybody seems to be enraptured by the smell of them, so much so they can smell the bread from miles away, I’m going to assume the secret ingredient is petrol. That would also explain why the mental capacities of all the citizens in the town are damaged. The three girls who help him with that jaw dropping, drool inducing BREAD do not have the brain capacity between the three of them to outwit a hedgehog. They seem to only ever think about BREAD as well as how wonderful Rick is, mainly because he is the one with that delicious BREAD.

Not that the entire episode is of the main character and his three dimwitted lady friends carting his amazing BREAD around the town. Oh wait, yes it is! That’s the entire fucking episode. OK, so at one point they go into the forest, but they’re still delivering BREAD to everyone. They revitalise a wounded Precure plushy with some of Rick’s revitalising BREAD. They get really angry when an elf insults Rick’s awe-inspiring BREAD. Those girls got really pissy at that. They have been sampling large portions of Rick’s BREAD all their lives, so they know its glories more than any stupid elf. Also there was some other wolf girl or something, who also wanted some of Rick’s juicy BREAD, saying it’s nowhere near as good as the BREAD from the other person in town.

The only way I got through the anime without gnawing at my own arm was replacing the word BREAD with PENIS. I advise you to go back and re-read this post with that in mind.

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37 Comments

  1. Fadeway
    Posted April 14, 2012 at 6:07 am | Permalink

    I did the replacement before reading the tip. Does that technique work while actually watching the show?

    • Scamp
      Posted April 14, 2012 at 12:59 pm | Permalink

      It does. At least, makes it slightly more bearable

      • Poro
        Posted May 9, 2012 at 12:49 am | Permalink

        writing a script to replace BREAD with PENIS induces humor within this post.

  2. Chipp12
    Posted April 14, 2012 at 6:28 am | Permalink

    You just need to export subs from a file and replace the word “bread” with the word “penis”… well, maybe I’ll try this myself ^^;

  3. leokiko
    Posted April 14, 2012 at 6:41 am | Permalink

    FUCK YOU MAN I like bread.

    T.T

    • Scamp
      Posted April 14, 2012 at 1:00 pm | Permalink

      I like a piece of thick juicy BREAD too

      • Poro
        Posted April 20, 2012 at 11:31 pm | Permalink

        Long and really hard BREAD especially

  4. Overly-animated
    Posted April 14, 2012 at 7:19 am | Permalink

    I think someone was watching south park or atleast heard it in the background when typing up this one.

  5. Gunslinger
    Posted April 14, 2012 at 8:06 am | Permalink

    Haha absoultely brilliant i was wondering what was up with the caps lock. But seriouslu who the fuck thought this would be a great idea for an anime ?

    • Posted April 16, 2012 at 12:17 am | Permalink

      The business guys that want to cash in and capitalize FOREVERALONE otaku… I think. I would if I am one of those business guys.

  6. Posted April 14, 2012 at 8:29 am | Permalink

    I am making it through this blog by replacing all instances of “cart” with “penis”

    • Scamp
      Posted April 14, 2012 at 1:01 pm | Permalink

      BUT WHAT ABOUT THE PENIS DRIVER!?!?!

  7. sams
    Posted April 14, 2012 at 8:48 am | Permalink

    The pennis substitution is only thing that makes this plot even possible.

  8. Posted April 14, 2012 at 9:51 am | Permalink

    OH FUCK, BREAD

  9. Someone Else
    Posted April 14, 2012 at 10:10 am | Permalink

    Shiawase no Pan = Panties of Happiness (Or bread for pan but it still doesn’t make sense)

    I assume have you read Detective’s review in MAL about this, everyone’s talking about it Animetake, too much hatred for this anime LOL

    It makes me wonder if the bread is actually a metaphor

  10. lostsage
    Posted April 14, 2012 at 11:52 am | Permalink

    So he soaks his junk in petrol? That sounds… refreshing?

  11. Posted April 14, 2012 at 2:39 pm | Permalink

    Nah, man. I ain’t a BREAD guy. I’m definitely a RICE guy.

    Two huge mounds of RICE. Mouth-watering RICE. Hell, RICE with BREAD.

    This metaphor is going to hell faster than all the PIE references in professional wrestling.

    • Overly-animated
      Posted April 14, 2012 at 9:14 pm | Permalink

      Yeah man I feel you. I love to have my BREAD stuck between two Huge mounds of RICE, just so good.

      • Scamp
        Posted April 14, 2012 at 9:25 pm | Permalink

        You guys are weird.

        Although I suppose I’m the guy who wrote an entire post about BREAD….

    • Posted April 16, 2012 at 12:19 am | Permalink

      Of both ways I read this, both ways amuses me. :|

      RICE with BREAD! Mmmm.

  12. heke
    Posted April 14, 2012 at 5:31 pm | Permalink

    >The only way I got through the anime without gnaw­ing at my own >arm was repla­cing the word BREAD with PENIS.

    I already see the upcoming editorial, something like “Mental tricks to watching modern anime”

  13. Morridin
    Posted April 14, 2012 at 5:32 pm | Permalink

    Now I feel like making a nice ham&cheese Croque-monsieur

  14. luffyluffy
    Posted April 14, 2012 at 6:52 pm | Permalink

    That’s not Yakitate! Japan.

    But yeah, MC-tan gets all the bitches with his penis bread, sounds absolutely riveting, show of the year.

    by the way, i didn’t think it would be possible for logh to crush my soul anymore than it already has, but then the 93-98 stretch happened.

    • Scamp
      Posted April 14, 2012 at 9:26 pm | Permalink

      Honestly, I thought LOGH was very like Death Note in that it lost most of its steam after THAT specific episode. Thankfully LOGH, like Death Note, pick up again with a very strong final episode

      • luffyluffy
        Posted April 14, 2012 at 10:28 pm | Permalink

        Hmm, for me, after episode 55 it took roughly to episodes for me to get back into it, so basically, around 65 I started enjoying it again and I think I watched like 12 episodes that day.

        I’m stalled at episode 95 and I’m current attempting to do anything, anything to avoid watching more. I don’t want it to end ;-;

        By the way, did you watch any of the movies or side ovas?

  15. 3242
    Posted April 15, 2012 at 12:50 am | Permalink

    DANGIT
    WHY IS THIS SHOW
    SO
    TERRIBLE
    THOSE
    THREE
    GIGGLING
    GOT ON MY NERVES SO MUCH..
    they could of made bread into a brilliant premise
    I know it
    for a fact
    but this comes along
    and it will be HATED UNIVERSALLY
    and now the subject of bread for an anime
    WILL BE BECOME VOID
    and never used again
    NOOOOU…

  16. Mr.RR
    Posted April 15, 2012 at 1:17 am | Permalink

    Great now I’m associating bread with penis. Sandwiches just became that much harder to make.

  17. Adrian
    Posted April 15, 2012 at 1:24 am | Permalink

    I kinda feel sorry for the main character. I mean, it feels like he has no chance/place/opportunity to talk because those annoying girls are there talking about his BREAD the entire fucking time.
    It’s like they speak for him. Like a mother and her spoiler child. It would be good if I could them apart for something other than their character designs too. They look like they all came from the same archetype.

  18. Posted April 15, 2012 at 5:50 am | Permalink

    Best part about bread the animation? Replacing bread with crack or other drug related names makes this series better so basically those girls and the town are addicted to Rick’s drugs…

    ED Song is so creepy those girls never ever blink they just sit and stare at you.

    Voice cast is wonderful, but I don’t think that can save this series >.<

  19. Jumendez
    Posted April 15, 2012 at 10:48 am | Permalink

    The stupidity of this show is just so hilarious. At this point, it’s more of a comedy than a Fantasy show, let alone Action show. Not sure how this is an Action show unless we’re referring to all the action that his BREAD is getting.

  20. Posted April 15, 2012 at 9:20 pm | Permalink

    You’re missing the big picture here. By giving everyone his BREAD he can save the world!

    • 3242
      Posted April 16, 2012 at 10:03 pm | Permalink

      Then all shall be united under the spell of his petrol soaked BREAD!

  21. Posted April 16, 2012 at 12:39 am | Permalink

    Damn. I was hoping this was a review of Kogepan. That’s the only bread anime anyone needs.

  22. Posted April 16, 2012 at 4:06 am | Permalink

    You didn’t have to insert the “change it to PENIS line”. Would have been a genius post without it.

  23. Posted April 27, 2012 at 4:49 am | Permalink

    When I actually read the article, not skim through it… it’s hilarious. The only time I want to think about bread is when I go to a bakery, otherwise no.

  24. Terashi88
    Posted July 1, 2012 at 11:24 pm | Permalink

    Man, fuck this shit. I’m gonna go read yakitate! japan.

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