Despite having far more blood and gore, despite having people’s heads being ripped off and entrails spread across the floor, despite having 4 army folks thrown and skewered onto flagpolls, the dvd for this episode only had a 15 rating. The last two episodes were 18. I can only think of one possible reason for this. Episode 3 is the only one so far not to include a one second shot of Seras Victoria being groped by zombies. Makes you worry about humanity just a bit.
The format for this episode was largely the same as the last one. Start off silly, introduce the plot, start the killing, take a turn for the worse, Alucard goes crazy and then finally calming down as we set in place the plot for the next episode. Not that this episode did it anywhere near as well as the last one, but I’ll get to that in a bit. Because it managed to start well enough. Again, whatever about people complaining about the misplaced humour in Hellsing Ultimate, I still laugh at these scenes. The mercenaries unconvinced at the undeadness of our vampiress Police Girl, only for Alucard to step through the wall in an act of slightly more convincing vampire magnitude was quite a sight, but nowhere near as great as Integra Hellsing firing off that sharp tongue of hers, telling the mercenaries to reference Bram Stoker if they wanted anymore information.
However as sharp and wonderfully masochist-making your tongue may be (hey, you would like it too), I cannot write this post without mentioning this hat. Now it’s not like anime isn’t home to some pretty strange hats on occasion, the occasion mainly being the overthrowing of the Britannian Empire (how could anyone forget Emperor Lelouch’s hat?). Heck, Alucard’s hat is a strange beast in itself. But what makes this hat unique is how simple a design can look so ridiculous. It’s like somebody accidentally sewed on two peaks while making a baseball cap. I give it a 7/10 for simplicity and achieving it’s aim. *light polite applause*
Perhaps it was the aura surrounding her hat, but it managed to attract the best scene of the episode. The clash of the Monsters/Titans/Freaks/Shadows with no instantly distinguishable facial features apart from their round glasses and manic grins…oh wait, that’s basically a description of every character in Hellsing. What made the scene so awesome was the two leaders trying to outdo each other by showing off their respective monsters, only for them to both panic when they realised that they couldn’t turn their killing machines off. Crazy Scottish Priest vs Sadistic King of Vampires in the British Art Museum. A confrontation that can only be halted by a timely interruption of a tourist group consisting of senior citizens. Lucky Seras Victoria knew about this fail-safe switch, because it didn’t appear Integra knew. And to think she was lecturing the mercenaries earlier about the lack of vampire knowledge. I’m sure Bram Stoker mentioned the senior citizen tourist group somewhere in that book of his.
Nazis. I suppose, for all their infamy, that they don’t show up in anime all that often. Full Metal Alchemist briefly touched on them in the movie. But the only other occasion I can remember that directly involved Nazis was Black Lagoon, and those Nazis suffer from the exact same problem as the Hellsing variety do. They feel so silly that they become comical parodies of themselves. In both Hellsing and Black Lagoon, the actual ‘good guys’ are so brutal that the only way they can outdo them is to have Nazis. However the Nazis can’t be cool so instead they have this comical tone to everything they do that they just don’t make credible villains. The English dub actually adds to the problem here. While I love the accents they give to all the other characters, that ridiculous, high pitched German accent just makes them even less credible.
Popey and the church make a lot more interesting villains. Nazis killing things is dull, because that’s what Nazis always do. Priests and Bishops killing stuff make it a hell of a lot more interesting. Plus you have this great undercurrent of church relations with the whole ‘Protestant Cow’ insults being hurled around. I just like that touch. While battle priests might be even more common in anime than those Nazi folks, the Nazis are just so tacky. Sorry Nazis, but your edgy factor had been depleted long ago in my eyes. Now you’re all just parodies of yourself.
So yeah, there’s Nazis or something. That means Alucard has to go kill lots of people. I can’t even remember why he had to go to that hotel in the first place. The plot is already getting rather flimsy and we’re only on episode 3. All it did was give an excuse for lots and lots and lots and lots of blood and gore and killing and guts and entrails and all sorts of violent nasty things that only require you to be 15 years old to view while you have to be at least 18 if you’re going to watch a hand grab a women’s crotch.
Look, I really didn’t like this whole scene. Not because I was squicked out by the amount of violence or anything. I like my fair share of human destruction as much as the next young male adult, probably more than average. But they managed to overkill depicting overkill. That’s quite a feat but not one it should be necessarily proud of. Not just the endless barrage of gutted corpses left in Alucard’s trail. It’s not like the last episode didn’t have that either, although it wasn’t as overbearing there as it was here. Even Alucard’s phone call to Integra was total overkill. His monologue went on for about 5 minutes about how he wanted to kill, maim, destroy yada yada yada, only for Integra to respond with a 3-4 minute rant about how she orders him to kill, maim, destroy yada yada yada, which in turn is followed by Alucard accepting her wish for him to kill, maim, destroy yada yada yada and he’s now going off to kill, maim, destroy yada yada yada kay love you byes.
We’ve seen this all already Hellsing Ultimate. You did it 50 times better in the last episode and it was (relatively) free of all this bloody overkill. I thought we were onto the ‘new’ material that the original Hellsing series didn’t cover. Instead we get a crappy rehash of the same formula as the last episode. The first half of the episode left me with a grin as maniacal as a certain Scottish Priest’s but the end left me feeling frustrated. Come on Ultimate. Live up to your reputation a bit more.