15 CommentsHellsing Ultimate / By Scamp /

Blogging Hellsing Ultimate episode 3

Despite having far more blood and gore, despite having people’s heads being ripped off and entrails spread across the floor, despite having 4 army folks thrown and skewered onto flagpolls, the dvd for this episode only had a 15 rating. The last two episodes were 18. I can only think of one possible reason for this. Episode 3 is the only one so far not to include a one second shot of Seras Victoria being groped by zombies. Makes you worry about humanity just a bit.

The format for this episode was largely the same as the last one. Start off silly, introduce the plot, start the killing, take a turn for the worse, Alucard goes crazy and then finally calming down as we set in place the plot for the next episode. Not that this episode did it anywhere near as well as the last one, but I’ll get to that in a bit. Because it managed to start well enough. Again, whatever about people complaining about the misplaced humour in Hellsing Ultimate, I still laugh at these scenes. The mercenaries unconvinced at the undeadness of our vampiress Police Girl, only for Alucard to step through the wall in an act of slightly more convincing vampire magnitude was quite a sight, but nowhere near as great as Integra Hellsing firing off that sharp tongue of hers, telling the mercenaries to reference Bram Stoker if they wanted anymore information.

However as sharp and wonderfully masochist-making your tongue may be (hey, you would like it too), I cannot write this post without mentioning this hat. Now it’s not like anime isn’t home to some pretty strange hats on occasion, the occasion mainly being the overthrowing of the Britannian Empire (how could anyone forget Emperor Lelouch’s hat?). Heck, Alucard’s hat is a strange beast in itself. But what makes this hat unique is how simple a design can look so ridiculous. It’s like somebody accidentally sewed on two peaks while making a baseball cap. I give it a 7/10 for simplicity and achieving it’s aim. *light polite applause*

Perhaps it was the aura surrounding her hat, but it managed to attract the best scene of the episode. The clash of the Monsters/Titans/Freaks/Shadows with no instantly distinguishable facial features apart from their round glasses and manic grins…oh wait, that’s basically a description of every character in Hellsing. What made the scene so awesome was the two leaders trying to outdo each other by showing off their respective monsters, only for them to both panic when they realised that they couldn’t turn their killing machines off. Crazy Scottish Priest vs Sadistic King of Vampires in the British Art Museum. A confrontation that can only be halted by a timely interruption of a tourist group consisting of senior citizens. Lucky Seras Victoria knew about this fail-safe switch, because it didn’t appear Integra knew. And to think she was lecturing the mercenaries earlier about the lack of vampire knowledge. I’m sure Bram Stoker mentioned the senior citizen tourist group somewhere in that book of his.

Nazis. I suppose, for all their infamy, that they don’t show up in anime all that often. Full Metal Alchemist briefly touched on them in the movie. But the only other occasion I can remember that directly involved Nazis was Black Lagoon, and those Nazis suffer from the exact same problem as the Hellsing variety do. They feel so silly that they become comical parodies of themselves. In both Hellsing and Black Lagoon, the actual ‘good guys’ are so brutal that the only way they can outdo them is to have Nazis. However the Nazis can’t be cool so instead they have this comical tone to everything they do that they just don’t make credible villains. The English dub actually adds to the problem here. While I love the accents they give to all the other characters, that ridiculous, high pitched German accent just makes them even less credible.

Yes, I followed on a Nazi flag pic to his Popiness himself.

Popey and the church make a lot more interesting villains. Nazis killing things is dull, because that’s what Nazis always do. Priests and Bishops killing stuff make it a hell of a lot more interesting. Plus you have this great undercurrent of church relations with the whole ‘Protestant Cow’ insults being hurled around. I just like that touch. While battle priests might be even more common in anime than those Nazi folks, the Nazis are just so tacky. Sorry Nazis, but your edgy factor had been depleted long ago in my eyes. Now you’re all just parodies of yourself.

So yeah, there’s Nazis or something. That means Alucard has to go kill lots of people. I can’t even remember why he had to go to that hotel in the first place. The plot is already getting rather flimsy and we’re only on episode 3. All it did was give an excuse for lots and lots and lots and lots of blood and gore and killing and guts and entrails and all sorts of violent nasty things that only require you to be 15 years old to view while you have to be at least 18 if you’re going to watch a hand grab a women’s crotch.

Look, I really didn’t like this whole scene. Not because I was squicked out by the amount of violence or anything. I like my fair share of human destruction as much as the next young male adult, probably more than average. But they managed to overkill depicting overkill. That’s quite a feat but not one it should be necessarily proud of. Not just the endless barrage of gutted corpses left in Alucard’s trail. It’s not like the last episode didn’t have that either, although it wasn’t as overbearing there as it was here. Even Alucard’s phone call to Integra was total overkill. His monologue went on for about 5 minutes about how he wanted to kill, maim, destroy yada yada yada, only for Integra to respond with a 3-4 minute rant about how she orders him to kill, maim, destroy yada yada yada, which in turn is followed by Alucard accepting her wish for him to kill, maim, destroy yada yada yada and he’s now going off to kill, maim, destroy yada yada yada kay love you byes.

We’ve seen this all already Hellsing Ultimate. You did it 50 times better in the last episode and it was (relatively) free of all this bloody overkill. I thought we were onto the ‘new’ material that the original Hellsing series didn’t cover. Instead we get a crappy rehash of the same formula as the last episode. The first half of the episode left me with a grin as maniacal as a certain Scottish Priest’s but the end left me feeling frustrated. Come on Ultimate. Live up to your reputation a bit more.

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  1. Samshel
    Posted September 3, 2010 at 2:51 pm | Permalink

    I can’t say much about the specific plot flaws from this episodes since they are so old, but remember they are fighting against a nazi dude who’s just chaotic evil, and as such, he just wants to destroy everything, fair and simple. The plot from this show won’t be any deeper :P

    About Integra’s hat, well, you know, she is still a woman, thing is she forgot the dress you put on when you use that kind of hat.

    • luffyluffy
      Posted September 3, 2010 at 7:24 pm | Permalink

      Oh yeah, thats right. The Major is pretty much waging war for the SAKE of waging war.

      So have fun with that.

    • Scamp
      Posted September 6, 2010 at 10:02 am | Permalink

      Well I’ve watched the next episode since writing this post and I ‘get’ the Major and the Nazis a lot more now. In fact, it was rather elloquently put, although it gave rise to a whole new batch of problems.

      But eh, that’s for the next post

  2. luffyluffy
    Posted September 3, 2010 at 7:22 pm | Permalink

    Yuri Lowenthal is Pip.


    Ahh~ Nazi’s. There’s someone so awesome and majestic about them that leads them to be the funniest thing in the world. Hetalia makes it even HARDER to take these guys seriously.

    • Samshel
      Posted September 3, 2010 at 7:47 pm | Permalink

      What about Nazi zombies?

      • luffyluffy
        Posted September 3, 2010 at 8:27 pm | Permalink

        Do they eat babies?

      • Samshel
        Posted September 4, 2010 at 3:17 am | Permalink

        Babies brains I guess

    • Scamp
      Posted September 6, 2010 at 10:05 am | Permalink

      We once boarded up someone’s front door like a Nazi Zombie window. He wasn’t that impressed when he started waving our hands through the gaps going ‘BRAAAAIINSSS’

  3. Posted September 5, 2010 at 10:35 pm | Permalink

    My friends, it has often been said that I like war. Friends, I like war. No, friends, I love war!

    I love holocausts. I love blitzkriegs. I love defensive lines. I love sieges, charges, I love mop-up operations, and retreats.

    Wars across prairies, in streets, in trenches, in grasslands, in frozen tundras, through deserts, on the sea, in the air, I love every act of war that can occur upon this earth.

    I love blasting the enemy to smithereens with artillery salvos that thunder across the lines of battle.

    My heart leaps with joy whenever a soldier is tossed high into the air and cut to pieces by well placed sniper rounds.

    And there is nothing like a tank operator using a Tiger 88 to destroy enemy tanks. And the feeling that comes when a soldier runs screaming from his blazing tank only to be mowed down by heavy machine gun fire, is such an exquisite feeling.

    Like when ranks of infantry brandish their bayonets rushing into the enemy line. It moves me deep within my heart to watch a fresh recruit stabbing over and over into the bloated chest of a long-dead enemy.

    The sight of deserters being strung up from a street lamp is an irresistible pleasure. And there is nothing more arousing, than the sounds made by prisoners of war dropping like flies, screaming in agony as they’re mowed down by ear piercing schmeissers!

    When a band of pitiful resistance fighters makes their final stands with nothing but small arms, only to have their city smashed to atoms block by block by 4.8 ton bombshells, I’m in ecstasy.

    I love it when my forces are ravaged by a Russian armored division. It’s so sad to see towns and villages that were supposed to be defended at all costs, being laid to waste, their women and children being raped, and killed.

    I love to be squashed under the heel of the British and American war machines. The humiliation, as my men crawl around like vermin, ducking the Yak bombers flying overhead.

    Gentlemen… All I ask for is war, a war so grand as to make Hell itself tremble. Gentlemen, I ask you as fellow brothers in arms, what is it you really want? Do you wish for further war as I do? Do you wish for a merciless, bloody war? A war whose fury is built with iron, and lightning, and fire? Do you ask for war to sweep in like a tempest, leaving not even ravens to scavenge, from this Earth!?

    Very well. Then krieg is what you shall have. We are a clenched fist, ready to strike down all who oppose us, with our might. But.. After enduring over half a century wallowing in the darkness, for us, a simple “ordinary” war will no longer be sufficient. We need a MASSIVE war! A war beyond any other that man’s history has never known!

    We are but a single battalion.. The remnants of of defeated army numbering less than a thousand strong. However, I believe that each of you old warriors is worth a thousand of their sickly soft children! We represent a force that could easily defeat an army of a million and one men! It is time for them to awake the ones who sent us screaming into oblivion, and who now lie sleeping. Let’s drag them out of bed by the hair, and remind them of what we are! We will remind them of what it feels like to live in fear. We will remind them of the sound our jackboots make against their throats. We will remind them, that there are more things between Heaven and Hell than are dreamt of in their philosophy.

    Our Kampfgruppe of one thousand vampires will burn this world down to ash. Yes, my friends! Soon, Europe’s charred remains will illuminate the night sky! I have brought you all back just as I promised I would. Back to our favorite battlefield. Back to our beloved war!

    At last, the sea lion has crossed the ocean and is heading up the hill! Attention soldiers of the Millennium battalion, this is a message from your commander:

    Friends…let’s bring them Hell.

    • luffyluffy
      Posted September 6, 2010 at 2:43 am | Permalink

      I love you.

    • Scamp
      Posted September 6, 2010 at 10:06 am | Permalink


      (which was largely my response to this when it happened in the show itself)

      • luffyluffy
        Posted September 6, 2010 at 12:54 pm | Permalink

        But.. It was so glorious!!

    • Samshel
      Posted September 6, 2010 at 5:46 pm | Permalink

      Samshel approves this post

  4. Posted September 6, 2010 at 10:15 pm | Permalink

    Great episode, though it does raise some more questions = )
    The fact that the Major is waging war “just cause” or because he loves the quest, conflict, etc. is an interesting perspective. Looking forward to seeing how this plays out.

    • Posted September 6, 2010 at 10:39 pm | Permalink

      Hey they partner. This here internet ain’t big enough for the both of us *puts hand on pistol holster* :P

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