OK fine, I admit it. I didn’t even try. I came into this with preconceived ideas of what this would be like and why I would hate it with every fibre of my being. But I must give everything that is not instantly identifiable as pedo-bait at least a chance to prove itself, because every now and then a Kannagi will show up and surprise me with witty writing and entertaining characters. All this anime did was made Ano Hana look great in comparison.
So we have the creator of Onegai Teacher, an anime about a boring feckless male lead and a hot alien MILF that falls for him for no apparent reason, causing a string of wacky romcom hijinks to ensue. But no, it’s not enough to just be a piece of blatant wish-fulfillment for every horny teenager who had a crush on one of their large breasted teachers. This is a serious anime, so we also have to include and heartfelt and melodramatic romance that clashes with the regular tone so badly that the reverberations caused the earth to shift slightly on its axis. It was awkwardly crowbarred in and had all the subtlety and grace of an elephant in your shower. It made Ano Hana’s melodrama look reserved in comparison
Oh come on, it can’t honestly be that bad
It included a scene in which the two main characters run in slow motion across a beach bathed in sunset while crying out each others names while in tears to the backing track of dramatic string music.
However, instead of subjecting everyone responsible for creating that anime to 10 years of public service, JC Staff, in all their wisdom, decided the best thing to do would be to allow this guy to make another anime (not Another anime, where the slow motion beach scene suddenly cuts to a picture of a doll with no arms). Has he progressed in this time? Hahaha of course he fucking hasn’t. This anime is about feckless male lead #53828528 and a hot alien girl with tits made out of water balloons who happens this time, in a daring move of originality, to be his classmate. See? That’s not his teacher, it’s just his classmate. Fucking swimming in originality here!
So we have Feckless-kun, a bland spineless teenage boy, with no discernible personality beyond being ‘normal’. He likes taking videos though, which isn’t a personality trait. That’s just an arbitrary label attached to him. He hangs out with his perverted best friend who he embarrassingly stands behind but still goes along with everything he says. Then there’s The Girl, who wants to bone Feckless-kun so hard that it burns inside her tsundere flat chest. Oh, did you notice the joke about the size of her chest? Boy anime, we sure aren’t tired of tit-comparison jokes yet, are we? Oh yeah, and there’s The Other Girl, the shy one with big breasts who also probably wants to bone Feckless-kun. We have a harem before we even begin, because developing relationships between characters is for other anime!
But no! Remember, we are serious business here. So Feckless-kun occasionally has to break away from his banal conversations to narrate his life. Not that he’s doing any narration. Instead it’s throwaway sentences that are supposed to sound Deep and Meaningful but in actuality mean absolutely fucking nothing. We know they’re deep and meaningful because they talk about the magic of summer and how our life is only just beginning and characters toss their heads to one side while showing a warm smile, all while tinkly piano music plays in the background.
But we know this is all useless if we haven’t engaged in full blown shameless wish-fulfillment. So in strolls beautiful big breasted redhead who instantly moves in with the main character because why the fuck not. Don’t you wish you had a hot alien chick who came to live with you and had no concept of decency in regards to walking around naked and who will kiss you while pressing her breasts up against your face? And you know what gets to me? That someone out there, by the end, will honestly try to claim this is a touching romantic story and that they cried in the final scene where the two characters run along a riverbank towards each other to some orchestral score, embracing each other and finally having their first ‘proper’ kiss of the series, and how they were also extremely moved when, just after they embraced, her towel fell off.