The Cart Driver

Director: Hello and welcome Amagami SS anime production team. Right time to do a quick role call. Do we have seasoned veteran of eroge adaptations?

Veteran: Yes yes, I’m here

Director: Good. Do we have the animator in charge of hair blowing in the wind at opportune moments?

Animator: Yup

Director: Great. We also have the newbie with us today.

Newbie: umm…h-hello

Director: Great! Let’s get started on this first episode of Amagami SS

Director: Right, let’s get the bad news out of the way first. There’s a new law in place that we have to give the lead male character some semblance of personality.

Veteran: What? But we never needed that before! How will the audience be able to project themselves into the main character if he has a personality?

Director: I know, but there’s nothing we can do about it. Might as well get it out of the way in the very first scene. Just give him a hastily concocted backstory that any teenage boy should have. Any suggestions?

Newbie: H-how about he was turned down for a date?

Director: Sounds great. We’ll make it happen on Christmas Eve to add extra punch.

Animator: I suggest not showing his eyes for the entire opening scene. Makes it easier for the audience to project themselves into a faceless character.

Director: Right, with that out of the way, we can get onto what we really want to animate. Tell us newbie. What should every eroge adaptation start off with.

Newbie. ohgodIknowthisoneeerrrr…….ummm…….Girl running to school with toast in her mouth?

Director: No no, that’s when the main character is a girl. Tell him Veteran.

Veteran: The main character is woken up by his clingy younger sister with a squeaky voice who is intent on jumping into bed with him. Also I would like to add that she should have a nickname for him.

Director: Right, I suppose we should introduce the perverted best friend right about now.

Newbie: But which girl is he going to perv on? We’ve only introduced the sister?

Director: Well then I suppose it will have to be her then.

Veteran: Can we start introducing the girls now? Otaku might start getting bored already and switch over to PreCure.

Director: Good point. How about the popular Senpai who the main character thinks he has no chance with.

Newbie: Shouldn’t we do something m-m-more to bring out why people like her?

Animator: How about I make her hair blow in the wind while she holds her hand behind her head with a sunset in the background?

Director: Nah, it’s still the morning so we can’t do that. How about some stencil mark things?

Director: Right, I can’t wait any longer. Time to introduce the character we’ve all bee waiting for.

Animator and Veteran: SEX HAIR!!!

Newbie: err…d-does she have some sort of personality?

Director: What? She has sex hair. What does she need a personality for?

Newbie: I-I-I think she should have some sort of personality. How about I base her off this girl I knew in school?

Veteran: Which eroge archetype does she fall into?

Newbie: W-w-well I suppose she’s the loud friend-zone character

Director: Right, now we need the younger girl the main character protects.

Newbie: But didn’t we already have the sister?

Director: She wasn’t the type you want to protect. We need someone extremely shy.

Veteran: With an extremely squeaky annoying voice! All characters younger than the male character require to sound like they’ve got blocked noses while speaking in helium induced tones.

Director: Exactly! Glad to have you aboard Veteran.

Newbie: But why would all these girls like the main character?

Veteran: Because he’s a nice guy. Everyone likes to think they’re nice people so it’s easy to project yourself into those situations.

Director: No, I think he has a point. He needs some other point of attraction that the viewers can easily project themselves into. How about he has nice eyes?

Animator: Wait, you can’t do that! I’ve already completed his character design.

Director: Oh don’t worry, he doesn’t actually need to have nice eyes. That’s the great thing about eyes. Nobody is capable of defining what nice eyes are so any eyes can be considered nice.

Director: Right, I think it’s high time we start dipping into out box of typical awkwardly romantic situations the main character can get into with these characters.

Veteran: Trapped in a gym locker room?

Director: Nah, too early for that

Animator: How about the library scene where he knocks over the girl and she falls to the ground in a position that you can almost but not quite see her undies while going ‘eeh dtchaaa~’

Veteran: This is clearly not enough fan service. We need nakedness ASAP.

Director: But we’re not on a timeslot that allows for nakedness to be shown unfortunately.

Animator: A bath scene then. I’ve gotten quite good at conveniently placed steam.

Director: Great, but to add extra spice it should be with another girl. How about the Senpai wants to get closer to his sister?

Newbie: umm…

Veteran: Sounds great. He could imagine a scene where they feel each others boobs to make them grown bigger

Newbie: I’m pretty sure girls don’t do th-

Director: That’s brilliant! Quick Animator! Go do that scene now!

Newbie: Wait…why would the audience want to see their sister naked?

Veteran: …what?

Newbie: If the the audience are projecting themselves into the main character, then surely this scene is like the viewers getting turned on by their sister naked. Isn’t that weird?

Director: Do you have a sister?

Newbie: Yes…wait, I mean no!

Animator: Quick, get him off the set!

Veteran: What were you thinking director, hiring someone like him!

Newbie: She’s just a step sister!

Director: I’m sorry, I forgot to ask. Big mistake on my part.

Newbie: Wait, there are other characters I can work on! Please, I like the Senpai character archetype.

Veteran: We have no place for the likes of you on this production. Go back to Noitamina you scum. Leave now and never come back!